life

When is it “too soon” to meet the kids of someone that you are dating? And what does it mean when someone says they want to “take things slow?”

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 13th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating a woman for three months, and she has a 2-year-old daughter. She wants to introduce us, but I think it is way too soon. Plus, a 2-year-old isn’t really going to remember me, and if we don’t work out, she wouldn’t know the difference anyway. Don’t you think it is too soon? When is a good time to meet her daughter? -- TIME CRUNCH

DEAR TIME CRUNCH: I agree with you. I think three months is way too early to meet the kids, especially when they are are so young and impressionable. I think a relationship should be solid for six to 12 months before kids are introduced. When they meet a new partner, it is best to say this is a “friend” and not have them around the kids much until further down the road. Kids are smart. They pick up on everything, and they need consistency and stability in their lives. You should let your girlfriend know that while you are open to the idea, you don’t think this is the right time. It isn’t fair to her if she were to become attached to you and then you break it off with her mother and appear to have abandoned her. If you do end up in a long-term relationship with this woman, remember this: You are not her father. Just be someone she can have fun with, and when she gets a little older, someone that makes her feel protected and loved.

DEAR NATALIE: I just started seeing someone. He is really great. I want to take things to the next step, meaning being exclusive, but he says he wants to “take things slow.” What does that mean? Does that mean he doesn’t really like me, or is he interested in sleeping with other people? So confused! -- TAKING IT SLOW

DEAR TAKING IT SLOW: Not only is he interested in sleeping with other people, but he most likely is already. If he wasn’t, why wouldn’t he just say, “Sure, let’s take this to the next step.” Clearly he is having reservations about the relationship and doesn’t want to limit his romantic options. Instead of looking at this in a negative way, however, use this information when considering whether or not you want to continue to see him. At least you know where he is at emotionally. If you aren’t on the same page, don’t waste your time unless you have a lot of it and don’t mind “taking things slow.”

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: It’s about the quality of your interactions, not the quantity. You don’t want to just be handing out business cards to everyone. Instead, focus on meeting and connecting with two or three individuals at your next event and form something more substantial.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Forget Hooking Up to This Deal

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 11th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I want to get into a real estate venture together, but her husband will be putting up her half of the money. The other issue is her husband and I have had a serious flirtation going for a while, and I'm worried that working together is going to make things worse and potentially cause us to have an affair. But it's a good opportunity (business-wise) for me and my friend. What should I do? -- CONFUSEDLADY

DEAR CONFUSEDLADY: You will have to enlighten me as to why this is confusing you? Seems pretty straightforward to me. Your best friend is married to a guy you would like to hook up with, and this is causing anxiety. The solution? Back away. Do not start a business venture with them. It is not OK that he flirts with you, but let them deal with their own marital issues. Do not get in the middle of this. If you want to keep your friend and your dignity and your sanity - find another fish in the sea. There are several billion, so the odds are in your favor. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Perform a random act of kindness. Volunteer for an organization that you don't really know much about. Whether its cleaning up city sidewalks, serving at a soup kitchen, or chatting with patients at a hospital, you can find connections in surprising and uplifting ways. Like-minded people doing good things for the world? Sounds like a perfect way to network and meet positive people! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Wedding Etiquette Continues to Change

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 8th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: What is the etiquette for greeting the bride and groom at a wedding reception? It seems that the receiving line for the bridal party has disappeared. Should one wait for the bride and groom to visit one's table, or should you try to greet them during the reception to offer congratulations and best wishes? Thank you. -- Frequent Wedding Guest

DEAR FREQUENT WEDDING GUEST: Etiquette at weddings is getting harder to navigate as the old rules have given way to new ideas about how and when to do certain traditions. It can leave guests feeling a little befuddled as to when, or if, they should approach the bride and groom. Because the bride and groom usually take photos during the reception hour in between the ceremony and dinner portion of the wedding, finding a way to get to them may feel awkward. Try approaching the mother of the bride or groom and offer your congratulations. Then, ask when it would be appropriate to offer your well wishes to the happy couple. Usually they are flattered that you are asking for help, and they can guide you to the bride and groom much more easily than if you tried on your own (especially if it is a large wedding). If that doesn't work, try approaching the bride and groom toward the end of the evening, after the cake cutting when things are settling down, so that you can send your warm wishes without interrupting their dinner.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't be afraid to ask for an introduction. If you are at an event with a friend and want to meet someone new, ask them to introduce you. Remember, none of us is in this alone, and any friend will be happy to be a point of contact.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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