DEAR NATALIE: My dad has never really been in my life much. He never wanted to be a father and walked away from me and my mom when I was only six. Recently, he has been trying to get in contact with me. I’m 27 now and my mom died recently. My dad has been diagnosed with cancer and he is remorseful that we haven’t had a relationship. He has called and left several messages, but I haven’t responded. I don’t know how I feel. He wasn’t there when my mom died, he never even sent me a card or anything and now that he is facing his own mortality, he suddenly wants to be in my life. I don’t want to fake a relationship, but I don’t really have much other family besides my mom’s parents, who I lived with for most of my childhood. They think that I should do whatever feels best, but have encouraged me to have an open mind. What do you think? -- CONFLICTED OVER DAD

DEAR CONFLICTED OVER DAD: I agree with your grandparents on this one. I think you should do whatever helps you sleep at night. This is clearly bothering you and for good reasons. Maybe you feel as though if you meet with him you will somehow be betraying your mother. Maybe you feel so hurt by his abandonment that you wouldn’t even know how to start a relationship. Maybe you are afraid that if you do get close to him, he will die from cancer and leave you alone again. These are all valid feelings but they are all rooted in fear. I always think that deep down, if we peel back the layers, we make decisions from only two places. From love or from fear. The question is, which do you want to make a decision based in? If you make a decision based in love, what does that look like? Does that look like meeting him for a cup of coffee? I don’t have to tell you that he has behaved selfishly. You know that. But, if he is coming to you and wants to connect, maybe it is time to hear him out. He owes you and your mother and your family an apology. He owes you all those years back. He can’t do that and he knows it. But maybe, if he proves to be remorseful and willing to earn your trust, perhaps you can move from the past to the present and form a new friendship before it’s too late.

DEAR NATALIE: My dad just recently got divorced from his second wife and now is starting to date women who are younger than me. This is really grossing me out and bothering me. My dad is 67, I’m 33, his new girlfriend is 29. I haven’t warmed to her at all, naturally, and I think she is with my dad for the wrong reasons. He is a very successful businessman and has made a lot of money over the years. I think she sees dollar signs. He says I am being overprotective and he just wants to have fun, but I can’t get on board with this. How can I get him to find someone more suitable? -- EMBARRASSED DAUGHTER

DEAR EMBARRASSED DAUGHTER: Your dad has currency but his new girlfriend has a currency of her own. Don’t be so quick to judge. You are all adults and you don’t know what went on in his last marriage. Maybe he needs to just enjoy himself right now and he found someone fun, vibrant and with a youthful energy about her. I know a lot of people would feel like this is “gold digging” but isn’t he doing the same? He’s searching for the fountain of youth and found it with her. While I agree that in the long-term, this probably won’t last, what is the harm in letting him live his life? You’ve said your piece, he heard you, and now he gets to do what he wants. Instead of pushing against this, just try to get along with his new girlfriend. You may find out she is not as awful as you imagine. And if she is? Then you just have to step back and let it play itself out. What else can you do? If you push him away, then where will you be?

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Collaboration is the new competition. When you are at networking events, find people in businesses that you could work with. They will get the benefit of a new audience and so will you. It’s a win-win!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I've been a single guy for a long time, and I have to admit, I was feeling pretty bitter about dating and women. Recently, however, I met a new woman, and she is fantastic. But I am not sure what I want here. She almost seems too good-looking, too unattainable for me, thus my interest seems to be lagging. For the same reason I never look at luxury cars and get excited: I know I can never have one; they'll always be impossible for someone like me. I don't even fantasize about it. I seem to need something here, and I don't know what it is. She's a gorgeous, seemingly perfect woman in my age range (I'm in my mid-40s) who wants to see me again. So why am I not more excited about that? -- Should Be Happy

DEAR SHOULD BE HAPPY: Sounds like you have a bad case of the bitters. Life burned you somewhere along the line (as it does to all of us), and you just had a harder time bouncing back for whatever reason. The only cure for this? A leap of blind faith. Into the abyss. Don't think -- just jump. Sounds like you are genuinely interested in this woman, and I promise you she puts on her jeans one leg at a time like everyone else. She may be spectacular, but she is not perfect. Stop fixating on the fear of what could happen (after all, fear isn't real and exists only in our minds when we are projecting negative thoughts about our potential future), and instead just follow your gut. If your instincts say, "Call her and set up a date," just do it. Don't overthink it. Life is too short to play "what if" with chances at happiness. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: It's my birthday weekend, and instead of taking me out or doing something fun for me, my longtime partner decided to leave town and do his own thing. Obviously, this really hurt me. I'm not sure how to navigate these waters. I'm really angry. I feel like I always put him first, and then when it's my time to have something nice happen for once, he just doesn't seem to care. What do I do? -- Sick of This Pattern

DEAR SICK OF THIS PATTERN: We show people how to treat us. It sounds as though for a long time now you have been the giver in the relationship, and he has been the taker. Guess what? Givers and takers never work well (because one person is always happy and the other is always miserable). This weekend may be a good time to reflect on what it is that YOU want and need from a partner. Make a list of things that have to change in order for the relationship to progress. When your partner returns from his "getaway," show him the list and say, "I am feeling neglected and hurt by what I feel is a pattern of destructive behavior. If the following things do not change, I have to rethink the relationship." If he scoffs at this or tries to fix it for a few days and then reverts to old ways, you have to make a decision. Do you want to be a doormat for the rest of your life, never getting anything in return for your love and devotion, or do you want to find a partner who also gives from the heart? The choice, albeit a hard one, is yours.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speak what you want, not what you have. Want a new job? Want a promotion? Speak it. The more you tell your contacts about what you are looking for, the more likely you will get it. By putting the word out there, you are allowing someone to come into your life that can change it for the better. It never, ever hurts to say, "This is what I am looking for. Can you help me?" Think big.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)