DEAR NATALIE: I used to be best friends with someone for almost 10 years. A few years ago, the relationship started getting toxic around the same time I started dating someone that lives about an hour from her.  This is significant because she lives about four hours from me. I used to try and spend time with both of them somewhat equally, but I would end up spending more time with him. The closer I got to him, the more left out she would feel.  I know that she somehow thinks that it’s his fault for "stealing" me away from her. She is also just a very bitter person.  She has tried to commit suicide a couple times in the past, but those attempts failed.  We haven't really spoken in the last three years since she moved to the south. I haven't spoken to her at all in the past year. Part of me wants to send her a letter telling her that I don't think I can be in her life, anymore.  Our lives are too different now, and I'm tired of her blaming me for it. I am afraid to end it with her formally because I don't want her to try suicide again. She now lives with her mom, stepdad, and her son. She has very few friends. What should I do? I need closure. -- AFRAID TO PULL THE PLUG 

DEAR AFRAID TO PULL THE PLUG: You should write her that letter. And then take it, crumble it up, burn it and let it all go. Clearly you have been distancing yourself for a long time now, and while it can be hard to let go of old friendships (even when they have become incredibly toxic) it doesn’t seem like you have much left to tether you to each other. Why send her a letter? What is the purpose? Considering how emotionally frail she is, it may not be in your best interest or hers for you to “break up” with her. If you haven’t even spoken to her in a year, that says enough about the state of things. She doesn’t live near you, you don’t seem to have anything to communicate about, why not just let it be? Maybe you don’t like the idea of there being unfinished business or an open door, but what is the harm in just leaving things the way they are? Don’t stir it up for just the drama. She has enough of that in her life. Take into account one of my favorite quotes: “As hard as it is to be around her, imagine how hard it must be to be her.”  Dig deep and find your empathy.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: What are your goals with networking? Are you trying to make contacts to find a new job? To find new groups to socialize with? Once you establish your reasons for networking, that will help you in defining your relationships with new connections.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga: nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga 358 North Shore Dr. Pittsburgh, PA 15212

DEAR NATALIE: What’s worse? Emotional or physical infidelity? --QUESTIONING

DEAR QUESIONING: Without knowing the context, I would say both have their issues, but for me personally, emotional infidelity would be worse. I think I could get over *one* bad physical decision by my partner, but emotional infidelity would run deeper for me. I wouldn’t like the idea of a connection being made on a level like that. But, some people would say that infidelity really only counts if it is physical cheating. So does pornography count? Do webcams count? What about texting flirtatious or salacious messages? All of this becomes incredibly grey because of technology. There really are no hard and fast rules on any of this, so the best thing to do is to make sure that you are on the same page as your partner. A good place to start? If you wouldn’t say it or do it with them in the room, then you might be playing with fire. And some people like that... until they get burned. 

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I walk my dog a few times each day. When I see a runner coming toward me and my dog, I always move over into a driveway or the front walk of a house until the runner passes. The problem is with runners coming from behind. Whether they don't have dogs, are in their "zone" or deeply into the music being piped into their ears, I don't know. But they don't call out or attempt to move over. Most dogs are protective of their owners and may well interpret someone running toward them, particularly from behind, as a threat. This is a good way for a runner to be attacked or bitten by a dog, or to trip over a dog. It's not always possible to hear their footfalls on the pavement to alert you that they are coming up behind you. Is there any way to address this when people are running behind you? -- Dog Walker

DEAR DOG WALKER: Short of yelling at the runner after the fact, there isn't much you can do, unfortunately. We all have to share the spaces in which we live, and that means we cannot expect others to be mind readers. If you are a runner and you see someone with a pet, just let them know you are running behind them. Bicyclists, not all, but some, will say "left side" when they are biking behind me when I am walking across a bridge, because it is the safe thing to do for everyone. I can't always hear a bike behind me just like you can't always hear a runner. So, let your letter be a reminder to us all that those lessons we learned about sharing in kindergarten hold true into our adult lives. 

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

DEAR NATALIE: I have this friend who copies everything I do. I know I should feel flattered, but I don't. I'm super annoyed. And it's probably because she lies and contradicts herself and doesn't listen to me when I talk. I reluctantly pray for her every night, but I can't seem to make peace. How do I love her, keep my identity and get her off my back? She adores me, and that makes me feel worse. Almost everything about her makes me feel bad, but I can't just cut her out because she has wedged herself in my life. I feel as if she's cramping my style. What should I do? -- No Copies, Please

DEAR NO COPIES, PLEASE: This is borderline creepy. It sounds as though she hasn't really "discovered" who she is yet and that she is a very insecure person. Instead of cultivating her own interests, taking her own risks and doing things that make sense in her life, she has decided to wear your story to see how it fits. In this situation, considering how uncomfortable you have become, it may be a good time to take a step back. Don't answer her calls or texts quite as often. Perhaps change the settings on your social media accounts (or go off them for a bit) to hide information from her. If she wants to know why, explain to her that you want to talk with her, but you have a hard time feeling as though you are being heard. If she continues to prod, ask her how she would feel if someone did the following to her - and then list all of the ways she is copying your lifestyle. Something may finally click in her head that she needs to take it down a notch. 

While it is admirable that you pray for her and want her in your life, sometimes you have to give the universe a hand in making positive changes for yourself. And in this case, if she is bringing you down, bringing you anxiety and not adding to your life in a positive way, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. 

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212