life

Remember Your Manners, Share the Road

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | April 23rd, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I walk my dog a few times each day. When I see a runner coming toward me and my dog, I always move over into a driveway or the front walk of a house until the runner passes. The problem is with runners coming from behind. Whether they don't have dogs, are in their "zone" or deeply into the music being piped into their ears, I don't know. But they don't call out or attempt to move over. Most dogs are protective of their owners and may well interpret someone running toward them, particularly from behind, as a threat. This is a good way for a runner to be attacked or bitten by a dog, or to trip over a dog. It's not always possible to hear their footfalls on the pavement to alert you that they are coming up behind you. Is there any way to address this when people are running behind you? -- Dog Walker

DEAR DOG WALKER: Short of yelling at the runner after the fact, there isn't much you can do, unfortunately. We all have to share the spaces in which we live, and that means we cannot expect others to be mind readers. If you are a runner and you see someone with a pet, just let them know you are running behind them. Bicyclists, not all, but some, will say "left side" when they are biking behind me when I am walking across a bridge, because it is the safe thing to do for everyone. I can't always hear a bike behind me just like you can't always hear a runner. So, let your letter be a reminder to us all that those lessons we learned about sharing in kindergarten hold true into our adult lives. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Take A Break From Stalker Friend

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | April 20th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I have this friend who copies everything I do. I know I should feel flattered, but I don't. I'm super annoyed. And it's probably because she lies and contradicts herself and doesn't listen to me when I talk. I reluctantly pray for her every night, but I can't seem to make peace. How do I love her, keep my identity and get her off my back? She adores me, and that makes me feel worse. Almost everything about her makes me feel bad, but I can't just cut her out because she has wedged herself in my life. I feel as if she's cramping my style. What should I do? -- No Copies, Please

DEAR NO COPIES, PLEASE: This is borderline creepy. It sounds as though she hasn't really "discovered" who she is yet and that she is a very insecure person. Instead of cultivating her own interests, taking her own risks and doing things that make sense in her life, she has decided to wear your story to see how it fits. In this situation, considering how uncomfortable you have become, it may be a good time to take a step back. Don't answer her calls or texts quite as often. Perhaps change the settings on your social media accounts (or go off them for a bit) to hide information from her. If she wants to know why, explain to her that you want to talk with her, but you have a hard time feeling as though you are being heard. If she continues to prod, ask her how she would feel if someone did the following to her - and then list all of the ways she is copying your lifestyle. Something may finally click in her head that she needs to take it down a notch. 

While it is admirable that you pray for her and want her in your life, sometimes you have to give the universe a hand in making positive changes for yourself. And in this case, if she is bringing you down, bringing you anxiety and not adding to your life in a positive way, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Got engaged and now regretting it?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | April 18th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I recently got engaged to a girl that I have been dating for only 6 months. I felt a lot of pressure from my family and her family to propose. She is already dress shopping and wants to pick a venue this week. However, I am really mad at myself for proposing and wishing I could take it back. How do I back out of this before things get out of control? I know she isn’t “the one”. I should have broken it off before it got this far. --BAD DECISION

DEAR BAD DECISION: You have no choice except to tell her the truth. She’s going to be upset, naturally, but better to tell her now then down the road after the venue is booked, dress paid for and honeymoon planned. You also need to take a look in the mirror and think about why you were so easily pushed into doing this. Take some time to date yourself for a while. Find out who you are, and who you want to be. Stand in your own convictions or I’m afraid you are going to a live a “yes man” kind of existence that won’t make you happy or fulfilled. Getting married is one of the most important decisions of your life and you were steamrolled by pushy people. Work on standing up for yourself. When the right woman comes along, you won’t need badgered into this experience, you will want to go through this journey together. Until then, it’s time to own your mistake and move forward separately.

DEAR NATALIE: My wife insists that I spend a lot of time with her family, but we have been married for seven months now and she still won’t hang out with my family. My sister is really hurt by this and told me I need to talk to my wife. What should I do? --MAN IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAN'T WIN: I don’t think it is very fair that your wife gets to have her way all the time. Marriage is all about compromise, and while life is never 50/50 (sometimes, 80/20 depending on the day of the week) the pendulum needs to swing in your direction once in a while in order for things to stay somewhat equal. The next time she wants you to hang out with her family, I would say something like, “That would be fun! I’ll invite my sister and see if she wants to join us.” If she balks at this, say, “Well then next weekend let’s all do something together. I’ll see if my parents can come, too.” If she refuses still, you need to find out what the problem really is. Did someone upset her? Does she think that they don’t like her? Is she intimidated by them? Whatever the reason is, get to the bottom of it now and nip this nonsense in the bud. Family is family and she shouldn’t expect you to drop everything for hers but be able to ignore yours. Not cool.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Try not to eat food at cocktail parties while you are trying to meet and interact with people. While it is great that there is a lot of food at these events to nibble on, no one wants to talk to people with garlic breath or with spinach wedged in their tooth. Save the snacking for after the networking!

(Have a question for Natalie? Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to 358 North Shore Drive Pittsburgh, PA 15212.)

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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