DEAR NATALIE: I hope you or your readers can give me some suggestions on how to deal with this issue.  My neighbors (who just so happen to also be relatives) still have their outside Christmas lights up. Now I know some people leave their lights up year round but...my neighbors still turn their lights on! I have to stare at the lights around their house that flicker different colors. How can I tastefully, without hurting feelings as again they are relatives, tell them to shut them off. They don't have to take them down. Just turn them off. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks! -- SANTA DOESN’T COME FOR EIGHT MONTHS

DEAR SANTA DOESN’T COME FOR EIGHT MONTHS: I think we all drive past that one house that leaves the holiday lights up all year round and scratch our heads. I understand it can be a big pain to untangle them from the roof, or maybe it’s an elderly couple that doesn’t want to bother anyone to help. But to leave them on is one thing, but to have them flickering all year long is kind of annoying. What can be just as annoying is to have someone come over to your home and tell you what to do with your lights. So, you are stuck. Sort of. Unless you do this carefully. Since they are relatives, you could show up with a pie or cookies or whatever they like and visit for a bit. Then casually bring it up. “I noticed that your holiday lights are still up?” They might say something like “Oh, yes, we love them so much.” At which you could say, “Doesn’t it take the fun out of the holiday magic to have them up all year round?” To which they might respond, “No, we just love the way they look.” Then it gets even trickier. You could follow up with, “Well, I can appreciate that, but we’ve just been noticing them flickering all night long directly in our home and it’s hard to sleep.” At this point, they either have to say, “Sorry, too bad for you” (or something to that effect!) or “Oh my gosh! We didn’t realize!” If they really don’t care that it bothers you, there’s nothing really much else you can do. It’s their home and their property. I would suggest curtains. Or blinds. Or both. But, maybe they will turn them off after 10pm as a fair compromise, and then it’s a win-win. You get some flicker-free shut eye and they get to celebrate all year round.

DEAR NATALIE: I know weddings make people crazy but my one relative is really causing a lot of unnecessary drama. At the last wedding she attended, she was a nightmare. Without getting into the details (because she reads your column) I was horrified at how she acted towards both the bride and other guests. She’s selfish and rude and my son is getting married soon. I was wondering if it is okay to leave her off the guest list or do you think that will cause a war? I don’t want to create drama for my son, but his fiance is sensitive and on the shy side. I worry this holy terror or a relative will make her life miserable on her special day. Any thoughts? --DRAMA QUEEN 

DEAR DRAMA QUEEN: Just say no to drama. Walk away from this dysfunctional person. We don’t get to pick our family, but you do get to pick your guest list to the wedding. After how she acted at this event, why would you even consider her?  I would just leave it up to your son and future daughter-in-law but tell them that they are under no obligation to invite anyone who is going to cause problems. Weddings are stressful enough. Who needs the extra madness?

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not sure how to approach people at a social event? Compliments always go a long way. You can also try “I couldn’t help but hearing you talk about …” and join in. Cocktail parties are meant for mixing and mingling, so don’t be afraid to mix right in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga at nbencivenga@post-gazette.com, or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: About a month ago I asked my daughter about a necklace she was wearing that I had not noticed before. It took me a week to get it out of her. She sat me down and told me she had been Skyping for about a year with a guy that she met online. They have been secretly meeting and are romantically involved. He is an engineer in Detroit. He drives here to spend a weekend with her about every two weeks. He is originally from India (comes from a good family) and has lived in the U.S. for four years. He came here to get his master's degree and encourages her to study, and she has wonderful grades because of his help. He treats her well and wines and dines her. I went to lunch with them last weekend, and he seemed nice. I am just fearful that he may be just using her for sex, and/or possibly to marry her to get a visa. He has a work visa for another three years. He does not know what he will do after that. I am just worried sick over this. She is very naive and has always been sheltered. I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around a 25-year-old man with an excellent career going after a 20-year-old college girl. Am I being crazy or should I be worried? -- Scared Mama

DEAR SCARED MAMA: I've re-read your letter several times, looking for something to see as a red flag. The only things I see are positive. Her grades are improving because of him. He treats her with kindness and respect. He dotes on her. A five-year age gap may seem like a lot to you, but in the big scheme of things, it really isn't. As far as being concerned that he is looking for a visa to stay in the country, let it play itself out. If he proposes next week, then yes, I would start to question his sincerity. But, if they stick together for a few years and your daughter seems happy, then it would only make sense that he would stay here instead of going back home. Try not to let your fears and prejudices cloud your opinion. Get to know him, continue to have open dialogue with your daughter and whatever you do ... don't discourage her. The more you tell her not to do something, the more she will cling to him. At the end of the day, we just want our children to be happy and healthy, and love knows none of the limits we impose on ourselves and each other.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-husband is making my life a living hell. The kids live with me full time, but he sees them a few times every month. He has complained to me that he wants more time with them, but the children (ages 10, 12, 16) told me they don't want to be with him. They said his house is "boring" and all they do is "watch TV." I told him this, and he accused me of lying and keeping our kids away. The courts are involved, of course, but it is beyond that. I just want him to leave us alone. Is there any way I can get him to stop bothering me about seeing the kids more? Can't he take a hint? We've been divorced for two years now, and it isn't any better than when it happened. (A little backstory: He left me for someone else, and they live together now. I'm not thrilled about my kids being around her, either.) -- Over It

DEAR OVER IT: I wonder if some of your anger and resentment is due to the fact that he cheated on you. Two years may seem like a long time, but when the wound never has a chance to heal properly, it may come back to aggravate you. But at the end of the day, this isn't about you and him. It's about a father seeing his children. They may act annoyed or bored, but they need their dad. As long as he isn't being abusive, you should encourage them to have a relationship with him on a regular basis. It can be hard to take the high road, but think of it this way: As your children grow up and start relationships and families of their own, do you want them to see dysfunction and use that as a set of guidelines, or do you want them to see that even in tough times you can rise above and be the best version of yourself? Try not to let your personal feelings about your ex cloud your opinion of his abilities as a father. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: If people you are asking advice or guidance from are meeting you, make the location convenient for them, offer to buy their coffee or lunch, and follow up with a thank-you email or card. A little appreciation can go a long way! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)