DEAR NATALIE: My mom and I have been at odds about my new boyfriend. He and I have been together about five months. He is a lot younger than I am. I’m 31, and he’s 24. We are in love and talking marriage, and my mom says that he is way too young to marry me. She also worries that he is taking advantage of me. He is an actor and is living with me, taking auditions and working odd jobs. I told her that this is the time he should be trying to go for his dreams. I work in health care and have a stable income, so it doesn’t matter to me. What do you think? Should I put wedding plans on hold because of her, or should we get married and tell her after the fact? -- WILLING TO ELOPE

DEAR WILLING TO ELOPE: Slow your roll for just a second. Let’s back this love bus up. First, as my grandma always says, “You should weather someone a year before you make a decision about them.” Let’s see what he’s like for the next seven months before eloping. Second, mothers are often forces in our lives that can seem bothersome, but in actuality, they are the only ones willing to hold up the mirror. Put aside your annoyance at her and try to think about what she is saying. Assuming she wants the best for you, maybe it’s worth thinking this through. Right now you are in the “I’m so in love and I don’t care who knows it!” phase. This is awesome, congrats, but let’s see what happens when the rose-colored glasses are taken off. Does he contribute to your household? Maybe he can’t pay his half of the rent, but are there other things he does to help you? How does he treat you? I appreciate that he wants to pursue his acting dreams and that you support that, but have you thought about what lifestyle that will mean? Lots of travel, lots of temptation, and he’s only 24. My advice? Listen to your mama. Take a minute. Think this through. Don’t do anything that involves paperwork and see what happens a year from now.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently was asked to be in a large bridal party for one of my dearest friends. I don’t get along great with some of the other girls, and a few of them (let’s call them Lila and Molly) are taking the reins on the bridal shower. They want to have this big, over-the-top party for her, and I offered to help. They haven’t really given me any of the details, and when I asked for a break down of what they were going to spend, they called me “cheap” and said, “This is your best friend’s special day. You shouldn’t ask about money.” Well, I think I have every right to ask about the money considering they want me to pay for a third of it. Why can’t all the bridesmaids chip in? There are nine of us! That would reduce the cost substantially and make it easier to share the work. But Lila and Molly want total control, and I don’t know what to do. Obviously, I don’t want the bride to find any of this out but not sure what to do? -- BRIDAL SHOWER SNAFU

DEAR SHOWER SNAFU: You are not cheap. You are reasonable. What’s not reasonable is the fact that two of these ladies think it’s cool to plan everything secretly and not give you a breakdown of costs. Because this is a delicate situation and you don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama, tell them: “I won’t be financially contributing until I see a breakdown of costs. I’m willing to give a portion of the total, but until I know what it is and why we are spending what we are spending, I can’t give you anything.” Or, another way is to just offer them a flat amount like: I’m happy to pitch in $100. It’s what I’m comfortable with. Why don’t we ask the other bridesmaids if they could offer something as well to reduce costs for everyone?” If they are aghast at that notion, wash your hands of this whole thing and say, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to plan together if you can’t completely include me.” See if they change their tune. But whatever you do, don’t repeat this to the bride. She doesn’t need this petty nonsense clouding her special day!

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Use social media to your advantage. Connect with potential contacts in various ways like direct messaging, comments and “likes.” Giving them little reminders that you are around and supportive of what they do can facilitate relationships in “real” life, too.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My ex, who was married at the time, and his wife have recently divorced. I was part of that mess, but he was cheating on her with many other women, myself included. Well, we have started hooking up again. But, now he is saying to me that he wants to be in a relationship together. I don't know how to feel about that. I'm skeptical because he is clearly a cheater, but we always seem to have fun together. What do you think I should do? My girlfriends, naturally, are telling me to walk away -- for good this time. -- Bad Habit

DEAR BAD HABIT: Don't walk away. Run! Run as a fast as you can from this toxic mess. The fact that he cheated on his ex-wife with multiple women is a red flag that this man is all about himself, his own needs, and doesn't really seem to care about anything or anyone else. You seemed to have extracted yourself from him once, so before you get in too deep, lose his number. This situation has "hot mess" written all over it, and honestly, why would you want to be with someone who blatantly disrespected a woman he took serious vows with? If he was willing to do that to her, what do you think he's going to do to you? In the words of Oprah (who was quoting Maya Angelou): "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!"

DEAR NATALIE: I recently broke up with my partner, who has some mental health issues that he addresses at times and then ignores at times. We were together several years, and I was like a member of the family. I was like a parent to my pseudo-stepchildren, who are devastated that we broke up. When I left, my partner threatened to kill himself, saying that without me he has nothing left to live for. While this is heartbreaking, I cannot be with him, and he's done this before to garner sympathy from me. But, he won't stop texting, calling, etc. What should I do? Every time I respond, he starts attacking me and trying to manipulate me to come back. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I can't just abandon him. Any suggestions? -- Sad and Single

DEAR SAD AND SINGLE: I applaud you for knowing that this situation was unhealthy for you to stay in. It can be very difficult to break up with someone you have formed deep bonds with, especially when there are children involved. The best thing you can do right now for you and your ex is to give him space. Don't return his texts or his calls. He has to lean on other people right now for support, and if you continue to respond or engage him in conversation, he will take this as a sign of hope for the relationship to bounce back. If that is not your intention (and it sounds like you are done), then you have to make that clear. Things will be tough for a while, but you will most likely see his texts and calls dissipate over time once he realizes that you aren't responding. If you really want to make sure he is OK, talk with one of his children. Over time, it will get better for you both.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Put the phone AWAY! You would be surprised how many people text while they are having a conversation with someone they have just met. It's rude to text or talk on the phone during any meeting but especially on your first. Whatever is on your Facebook page can wait. Turn your attention to the person in front of you.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I'm starting to gain momentum in my career, and my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I'm worried if it will negatively impact my professional trajectory. How do you maintain momentum in your career while simultaneously growing a family at home -- Having It All

DEAR HAVING IT ALL: The idea of "having it all" really frustrates me. It sets us up for disappointment and feelings of failure. While I do believe that you can have everything that you want in life, I don't believe you can have it all at once. The truth is that our society is not structured to support working women. There is no universal health care, no affordable child care, no paid maternity leave, no equal pay - the list goes on and on. When men want a family, they can do that and work because nothing physically changes for them. But, when women decide to do this, their whole world changes. It has to. We, as a society, don't honor that time, we don't provide flexibility for that. But, you can do two things to help remedy this - both on the macro and micro levels. You can vote - in every single election. Vote for the people who have your interests in mind. In your personal world, think about your 10-year plan and how your career and family will fit into that. What is more important to you in this moment? (And it is OK if your career is a higher priority right now). Talk to your husband about these fears and worries you have. Discuss how you would share child care, how you would share the housework, etc. The first few years are going to be difficult because babies physically need their mothers more. But, beyond that, how are you distributing the work at home? What can he do to alleviate stress so that you can find some sort of "balance" in life and work? Have these conversations now before you get pregnant. Also, think about your current job situation. Are you in a more progressive company that will provide you flexibility? If so, great. If not, then what? You may have to decide again what is your priority. These questions are not easy to answer, and I can't answer them for you, but use this as a mental jumping-off point to begin to think about the ways in which your life will be affected and what you are willing to sacrifice - and what you aren't.

DEAR NATALIE: How can I remove toxic people in my life without doing so in a negative way? I need to prioritize my own health and happiness, but I don't want to hurt the people in my life. -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: I applaud you for recognizing that your health and happiness are important priorities. We can get so caught up in pleasing others and worrying about their needs that we neglect our own. But, if we aren't in a good place, both mentally and physically, then how can we help anyone we love? It can be incredibly difficult to shift gears in relationships that aren't working without hurting feelings. Don't avoid them or give them any reason to think you are icing them out. This is an immature thing to do, especially if this person has been in your life a long time. Instead, let them know that you are working on yourself right now and need some space from them. They may be hurt, but explain to them in an honest but gentle way that right now you need to focus on your own health and happiness. This means taking some time for yourself. If they care about you, they will understand. If they throw a fit, then recognize even more so that this energy is not something you need in your life and take that as a sign that you are doing the right thing in backing away.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: A great question to ask when you are networking is: "What can I do to help you?" Don't think of networking in terms of how to help just yourself. By offering your assistance to another, you are building rapport, building trust and are setting the stage for having that help reciprocated later on.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)