DEAR NATALIE: I'm starting to gain momentum in my career, and my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I'm worried if it will negatively impact my professional trajectory. How do you maintain momentum in your career while simultaneously growing a family at home -- Having It All

DEAR HAVING IT ALL: The idea of "having it all" really frustrates me. It sets us up for disappointment and feelings of failure. While I do believe that you can have everything that you want in life, I don't believe you can have it all at once. The truth is that our society is not structured to support working women. There is no universal health care, no affordable child care, no paid maternity leave, no equal pay - the list goes on and on. When men want a family, they can do that and work because nothing physically changes for them. But, when women decide to do this, their whole world changes. It has to. We, as a society, don't honor that time, we don't provide flexibility for that. But, you can do two things to help remedy this - both on the macro and micro levels. You can vote - in every single election. Vote for the people who have your interests in mind. In your personal world, think about your 10-year plan and how your career and family will fit into that. What is more important to you in this moment? (And it is OK if your career is a higher priority right now). Talk to your husband about these fears and worries you have. Discuss how you would share child care, how you would share the housework, etc. The first few years are going to be difficult because babies physically need their mothers more. But, beyond that, how are you distributing the work at home? What can he do to alleviate stress so that you can find some sort of "balance" in life and work? Have these conversations now before you get pregnant. Also, think about your current job situation. Are you in a more progressive company that will provide you flexibility? If so, great. If not, then what? You may have to decide again what is your priority. These questions are not easy to answer, and I can't answer them for you, but use this as a mental jumping-off point to begin to think about the ways in which your life will be affected and what you are willing to sacrifice - and what you aren't.

DEAR NATALIE: How can I remove toxic people in my life without doing so in a negative way? I need to prioritize my own health and happiness, but I don't want to hurt the people in my life. -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: I applaud you for recognizing that your health and happiness are important priorities. We can get so caught up in pleasing others and worrying about their needs that we neglect our own. But, if we aren't in a good place, both mentally and physically, then how can we help anyone we love? It can be incredibly difficult to shift gears in relationships that aren't working without hurting feelings. Don't avoid them or give them any reason to think you are icing them out. This is an immature thing to do, especially if this person has been in your life a long time. Instead, let them know that you are working on yourself right now and need some space from them. They may be hurt, but explain to them in an honest but gentle way that right now you need to focus on your own health and happiness. This means taking some time for yourself. If they care about you, they will understand. If they throw a fit, then recognize even more so that this energy is not something you need in your life and take that as a sign that you are doing the right thing in backing away.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: A great question to ask when you are networking is: "What can I do to help you?" Don't think of networking in terms of how to help just yourself. By offering your assistance to another, you are building rapport, building trust and are setting the stage for having that help reciprocated later on.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I ended things with a boyfriend (“Shawn”) because we were not compatible. We did live together, and during a six-month period when my brother (“Chris”) was homeless, he lived with us without paying rent or contributing to the household expenses. While my brother lived with us, Shawn and Chris became great friends. During that time, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and Shawn told me that it “isn’t a real condition” and to “stop having nightmares about your past traumas.” In general, he was very dismissive about my mental health. Once Chris moved out, things really went south between Shawn and me, and ultimately I accepted that he would never be supportive of me. So I ended things. This breakup happened almost a year ago.

I hadn’t planned on dating again for awhile, but I did, then meet someone (“Anthony”), and we really hit it off. We’ve been together for nine months now, and we recently became engaged. My whole family loves him, except my brother Chris. Chris thinks that I should still be dating Shawn. Chris thinks that Anthony is a mistake. Chris invited me but not Anthony to our family’s Christmas dinner, yet he did invite Shawn to this usually all-family-and-no-friends event. So, I did not go. Chris refuses to attend family events if Anthony is there, and what’s worse is that if he does see Anthony at the events he won’t speak to me or to Anthony. He won’t even say “Hello.” This even happened at a family member’s funeral recently.

I know that Chris and Shawn are still friends and that’s fine, but shouldn’t Chris’ loyalty lie with me, his sister? Shawn made me very unhappy, and he made me feel unimportant and unloved. These things that should infuriate an older brother!

I’m siding with my fiance here. If he is snubbed from an event, I don’t attend either. If my brother does not acknowledge us, we then ignore him. This can’t go on forever. Is there any hope that Chris will one day accept that Shawn did not make me happy and Anthony makes me very happy? -- SNUBBED SISTER

DEAR SNUBBED SISTER: Congratulations for putting yourself and your mental health before an emotionally abusive partner. The fact that you took in your brother was generous and kind when he was going through hard times, and he hasn’t exactly repaid you with that same energy. You have done nothing to warrant his dismissive and nasty attitude toward you. Stand your ground.

Talk to your family about allowing Chris to invite Shawn to events knowing that you two had broken up. Ask them, “What the heck was that about? Your loyalty should be with your daughter/granddaughter/niece/cousin/sister/etc.” Make it very clear to your family that you will not allow your brother to bully you or be put in a situation where Shawn is around. If Chris wants to hang out with him on his own, that’s out of your control, but in family situations, he is not to be invited.

Also, have a one-on-one sit-down with Chris. Explain to him that Shawn is not coming back into the picture and tell him why. Express to him that as his sister, you know that he always wants the best for you, so maybe he didn’t understand why Shawn wasn’t the right choice. Then, remind him that it is your decision who you choose to be with. Say something like: “I really want to spend time with you, but being around Shawn makes me very uncomfortable. I hope in the future you can be respectful of that and recognize that while I respect your friendship with Shawn, I don’t want to be around him.”

If Chris throws a fit, and he might, tell him that you love him, but that you hoped that he would be more understanding, considering how you helped him when he was down and out. If he still balks, get the family to say “no” the next time he wants to invite Shawn somewhere with you there. This may get messy for a while, and it may take time. But you are completely right in feeling how you feel, and it is up to Chris now to do what is right. If he can’t, well, he won’t be seeing much of you.

Natalie’s Network Tip of the Week: Do you consider yourself an expert at networking but seem to have hit a plateau in your contacts? Many times we end up socializing with the same groups of people because it is comfortable and fun. Get out of that zone and sign up for new events with people you don’t know, with people who look different from you, with people who have different interests. You may be surprised at how this expands your world for the better!

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: As a millennial, I feel informed about the relationship between what we eat and the impact on all areas of health (mental and physical). My parents are skeptics. They recently began facing challenges with issues that are quite crippling. We live in different cities, so my support is consistent yet remote. I encourage meditation, elimination of processed foods and exercise. But, they want a magic pill and think my ideas are "too New Age" to be effective. How can we make our parents understand modern recommendations? -- You Are What You Eat

DEAR YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT: We can never persuade anyone to do anything that he or she is not ready or willing to do. The best way to highlight the benefits of a healthy lifestyle is to embody them. Be the light for your parents to follow. Instead of preaching, just lead quietly by example. You looking and feeling your best may encourage your parents to come to you with questions on their own. Because they don't see you every day, you can have even more of an impact when they do see you looking fit and healthy. The only way to win them over is to be positive, be an example and showcase that eating healthy and exercising as a family can be fun! Maybe when you see them next, take them to a healthy trendy restaurant, enjoy a fun physical activity together or even try and get them out of their comfort zone with a cooking class. Who knows? With a little love and luck, you may indeed change their hearts and minds about feeling great - no magic pill needed!

DEAR NATALIE: I'm majoring in marketing/communications, but I really love to write. I am worried that I won't be happy working in that field. What do you recommend that I do? I'm 21 and feeling like things aren't moving fast enough. -- Not Fulfilled

DEAR NOT FULFILLED: There is nothing stopping you from working in marketing and taking on freelance writing work from time to time to see if it is something that you love to do. Work on your own passion projects - a blog, poetry, your novel, whatever it is - while seeking writing jobs on the side. You can't just have one thing going if you want to be successful or fulfilled, so don't be afraid to spread your wings and fly to new creative heights. Never shut the door on yourself. Even if you hear the word "no," and you will from time to time, take it as "not right now, try again later," and then keep trying. Push on, push forward and create a life for yourself that includes your passions.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Plan in the moment. If someone says to you, "Yes, let's meet for coffee," don't hesitate. Pull out your planner or your phone and set a time and date right then and there. This is a very effective way to get the meeting you want on the books without wasting time emailing back and forth.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)