DEAR NATALIE: My father is extremely attached to his small dog and won't travel without it. He finds sitters for his other dogs but will not let this one leave his side. My husband and I both have allergies, keep a very clean home and have never had any pets inside. I've explained to my father that while I would love to have him visit, he cannot bring his dog. He recently showed up at my house (several hours away) for my baby shower with his dog. My husband and I were shocked. How do I get him to understand that I'm not trying to be rude, but I need him to abide by our wishes? -- NO PETS ALLOWED

DEAR NO PETS ALLOWED: Clearly your father has an attachment to this dog for a reason. Perhaps it's filling an emotional void? You didn't mention your mother -- are they divorced or is he a widower? Animals, especially with older people, can be a source of companionship, can ease pain (both physical and emotional) and can reduce anxiety. Can you deal with it? How long is he going to stay? A week? A weekend? Surely you can find a way to keep the dog in the home so that it is of little burden to you while making your father happy. Perhaps the dog can stay in his bedroom or he could keep him in a carrier. You sound as though you are someone who would clean the bedroom before and after your father visits, so if your allergies aren't life-threatening, could you stand to be uncomfortable for a few days? Sometimes, we want to have things our way, but when you look at the big picture is it really worth the fight? Clearly you love your dad, so I am sure you can come up with a compromise.

DEAR NATALIE: Where are all the single, successful men? -- Panicked in Pittsburgh

DEAR PANICKED IN PITTSBURGH: Assuming you have exhausted the options of online dating or sitting in the Shadyside Whole Foods cafe and just waiting, try finding guys IRL (in real life). With the crazy hours people work, it can be difficult to find guys outside the office pool. Join an organization. From the arts to charities to sports, there are a million ways to get out there and meet men with a common interest. Joining the Pittsburgh Urban Magnet Project (pump.org) might be the ticket - it reaches 25,000 young people in Pittsburgh through social service, advocacy projects and a robust sports league. If you don't have the time for that, attend some social events in your areas of interest. Check out my social registry in the Seen column online (post-gazette.com/life/seen) for upcoming events. Put yourself out there, broaden your idea of "successful" and see what happens. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: "You're never fully dressed without a smile." A friendly face will encourage people to approach you when at events, making it easier and more likely that you will walk away with new professional contacts and even a new friend. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, I slept with someone who I had just met. It was stupid, I know, but we both had been drinking and one thing led to another. We were at his workplace when it happened, too. Without getting into too many details (I don’t know who may come across this letter) I found out soon after that he had a fiance. I was really mad. Had I known he was seeing someone, I never would have slept with him. I called him out on this and he didn’t deny it. He didn’t even seem apologetic or worried about it. (And no, they do not have an open relationship). Well, this makes me really furious that he seems like he isn’t remorseful. I know someone that knows his fiance and I am so tempted to tell her what happened in hopes that she will tell his fiance. I don’t want to be petty, but he lied to me and to her. What would you do? -- CHEATING LIAR

DEAR CHEATING LIAR: It sounds like what is really bothering you in this case was your lack of agency about the whole scenario. You didn’t have all of the information that you needed to make a decision and instead felt a little “duped” by this guy. But, when you enter into a casual relationship, you have to be prepared that not everyone is going to be honest with you. That’s the risk you take, unfortunately. But, hey, everyone makes poor choices from time to time, and there’s no reason to beat yourself up over it. This guy is a sleaze and you most likely aren’t the first woman he has cheated on his fiance with. But should you tell her (even if it’s in a roundabout way)? I’m not sure. If I was the fiance, I would definitely want to know if I was being made a fool of behind my back, but not everyone is like that. Some people choose to turn a blind eye for whatever reason, and maybe there are dynamics in their relationship that you aren’t aware of. But, the little devil on my shoulder says that maybe he deserves a taste of his own medicine. I can’t make that decision for you, but I don’t think anyone would fault you if you told this story to her friend. Just be ready for a backlash towards you, as well.

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has this habit of embarrassing me in front of our mutual group of friends by continually stating that he supports me financially. I have taken time off from working to go back to graduate school full time, and yes, while he is paying the bills right now, I am contributing in a lot of other ways to the household, from cooking, cleaning and taking care of his every little need. He finds it hilarious, though, to call me a “trophy girlfriend” and make fun of me to his friends about how “expensive” it is to live with me and how I don’t do anything. He also gets pretty misogynistic with his comments and what “women should do” for their men. Most of the time I brush it off, but lately it’s really been hurting me. I am not in a position to leave him, nor do I really want to, but I can’t handle the comments. He makes plenty of money, so it’s not like this is a financial hardship for him. What should I do? --NOT A TROPHY

DEAR NOT A TROPHY: How is it 2018 and this is still a thing where people think the only kind of contribution worthy of any kind of praise is financial? Cooking, cleaning, and other forms of caring for someone have always been traditionally seen as “women’s work” and therefore not regarded as “real work.” It’s that 24-hour-7-days-a-week kind of fun that never ends. So, if he doesn’t think what you do is important, stop doing it for a few days and see how he reacts. When his “maid services” stop, he may have to rethink his attitude towards what you contribute in the house. It infuriates me when people hold things over someone’s head like leverage. If he says jump, does he expect you to say, “how high”? Sounds to me like he is on a power trip and needs to be brought down to earth. I know a lot of people may disagree and say, “Well, you are being supported so you should be more supportive,” but I don’t think it is right to degrade or belittle anyone, especially the person you love, and especially while they are trying to do something to better themselves. If he becomes angry or frustrated when you go on “strike,” use this as an opportunity to lay some ground rules and boundaries. You are happy to help around the house while you are in school, but you need to be respected for your contributions, just as you respect him for supporting you financially during this time. Remind him, too, that this is a temporary situation, and your relationship could be, too, if he doesn’t start treating you with dignity and respect. Love is an action word, after all, and he needs to show you a little more of it.

DEAR NATALIE: I date a guy whom I know really well. Our relationship is not very conventional as we both have a lot of relationship baggage. I was in a very long-term marriage that was miserable and so was he. We have been taking the relationship very slow. We spend a lot of time together, go to dinner, date, go out with friends and travel for extended periods of time together. We spend all holidays together. However, neither of us seems to want to make a full commitment to each other and we are happy as we are. The problem for everyone is the fact that I have never been to his house. I don't care, but it seems everyone else has a problem with it. He spends most of the time at my house or we are out of town. We have been together more than a year and I have never really thought about it being right or wrong, I just never ask to go. I never had control in my marriage and I feel that this is giving me control. If I go to his house, I feel that I will be giving up something. The bottom line is that I am happy with how we are. I don't want to get married and I am not even sure I am looking for a long-term relationship. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself for the first time in 20 years. My family thinks he is married or hiding something. What do you think? -- CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: Call me nebby, but I would want to know everything I could about the person I am spending my time with, regardless of the level of commitment. It sounds to me like you used to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. In this new relationship, you are trying to assert your power, and in your mind that means having fun in the moment. While it's fine not to label relationships or worry about where things are going, you should be concerned that you have never been invited into his home. I am not sure what you would be giving up if you did go to his place, but you have convinced yourself that there is a power struggle and that his home is a part of that. This could be a defense mechanism because deep down you may fear you'll come to the same conclusion as others who care about you - that it is a curious thing to never be in his space, especially after knowing him for a year. 

You don't need to jump to conclusions about him leading a double life, but after this long together a level of trust needs to be built in order for the relationship to be sustained (at whatever level that may be). In fact, you may be afraid deep down to know what is going on because you have been having so much fun. And I totally get that. 

Ask him if you can have dinner at his place the next time you are together (even if you don't have any intention of going over). Gauge his response. If he says something along the lines of, "Sure anytime!" then you probably don't have much to worry about. But, if he starts to come up with reasons why it isn't a good idea, be wary of that and definitely look at it as a big red flag. 

DEAR NATALIE: I am bipolar and seeking full-time disability because the illness [makes] me unable to hold a job. I am in treatment, but my problem is how do I respond when people ask me where I am working now or what I do for a living? I hate to just say, "I'm disabled," because they ask why; there is such a stigma surrounding mental disorders that I'm reluctant to tell them. What is a good way to answer? -- Wondering What to Say

DEAR WONDERING: Having worked as a social worker and therapist with a multitude of populations around the city, I have seen firsthand how these stigmas really can affect people's personal lives. I completely empathize with you and your situation. If anyone asks you about your state of employment, tell them you are taking time off for personal health reasons. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. You can also follow up by changing the subject and talking about your hobbies or things you would like to pursue while you take some time off - like painting, writing, exercise or volunteer work. Or shift the question back onto them and ask what they like to do in their leisure time to move the conversation away from employment. No one is living your life except you, and you don't have to answer to anyone or gain anyone's approval. Just be polite, vague and change the topic. Take care of yourself, and do what is best for you. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Cocktail parties are great places to network, and while a drink may help you loosen up, be careful not to overindulge. You want people to remember you for the right reasons and not for slurring your words. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)