DEAR NATALIE: Many years ago, my old boyfriend John (not his real name) was invited to a wedding by our dear friend Steve and his fiancee Julie. Julie didn't want John to attend the wedding with me, even though we had been together for a few years. She wanted him to go with one of her single friends. Why? I am not sure. 

The invite came addressed only to John (with no mention of me). John and I got into an argument about this because he refused to ask Steve if I could come (even though we were all friends). John ended up attending the wedding alone, and I dumped him over this. Fast-forward, Steve and Julie are divorced, and I asked Steve if he knew about what had happened. He said he had no idea Julie did that and would have insisted that I come to the wedding had he known. All these years later it still bothers me. Was I right to have dumped John over this? -- NEEDS TO KNOW 

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: This is one of those situations in life that seems clear after the fact, but in the moment appears muddy and confusing. Your boyfriend should have taken you to the wedding. It's also weird that Julie was trying to come between you and John (for whatever reason), but apparently it worked. In a way, Julie did you a favor. If a guy you're with isn't willing to stand with you over something this small, there is no way he would take your side when the waves get really rough. In fact, you should send Julie a bouquet of flowers thanking her for sparing you years of agony. The card could read something like: "The best revenge is a happy life." 

DEAR NATALIE: I have been invited to a wedding by very close family friends. However, they are also close to a relative I no longer associate with for very strong personal reasons. I don't want to be rude and ask the host whether this other family member is invited, or whether they have RSVPed. However, I want to attend and am discontented by the fact that to avoid confrontation and awkwardness, I can't. It is especially troubling because the couple getting married are also related to the family member I have issues with. So each party is equally close in relation but I do not know whether the couple have had the same issues as I have with this person. Plus, unless things are as bad as they are on my end with this family member, most couples will invite relatives to weddings out of formality. Is it rude to ask whether or not they are invited? I'm not sure how to handle this. -- LEFT OUT 

DEAR LEFT OUT: It sounds as though you are close enough to the couple getting married that you could call them (not text or email -- this warrants a phone call), and tell them exactly how you are feeling. You are in a tricky position, and until you explain to them your situation, you cannot hope for any remedy.

Obviously, you can't expect them to choose a side or disinvite this other person on your behalf, but you can provide information as to why you may not be in attendance. If they say that this person is coming, you have two options: 

1. You can send a gift and a card and miss this happy occasion because of someone else. 

2. You can choose to attend and just avoid the person you don't want to see, or just be cordial and distant with him or her. Think twice before letting someone else dictate how you live your life. If you want to go to this wedding, do it. Don't give this person so much power over you. Bring your partner or a friend or someone who makes you laugh and dance, drink something bubbly and eat cake (at least have one piece for me) and celebrate love! 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: This week's tip comes from reader Jeff Pollock. "I always try to get to an event early to take a peek at the welcome table usually with prepared name tags laid out alphabetically. That way, when I later see someone whom I have previously met and perhaps should remember, I can flatter them by actually recalling their name when I see them."

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I want to get engaged. We’ve been talking about it a lot, but there is one snafu. I make a lot more money than he does, and I want to help buy my ring so that I can get something bigger. We got into a huge fight about this, and he said that I was superficial. He wants to plan the engagement and pick out the ring and surprise me, but I am not comfortable with that. Don’t you agree that I should get what I want, especially because I will be wearing this piece of jewelry for (hopefully) the rest of my life? -- NOT ENOUGH BLING

DEAR NOT ENOUGH BLING: I guess the questions you need to ask yourself are why you are (hopefully) getting engaged in the first place and what an engagement means to you. You can always buy yourself a shiny bauble, but an engagement ring is so much more than that. It is a symbol of a commitment being made, and that should count for something more than just the dollar sign. If you are worried that your ring won’t be “big” enough, think about how he must feel hearing that. It must be really emasculating for a man who wants to marry you and gift you with something of significant value (and no, I’m not talking about the carat size) and all you can say is, “I want more.” If you aren’t satisfied in the relationship, you need to ask yourself why you are marrying him. If it’s just to show off a shiny rock to your girlfriends, you’ve got some other issues that need addressed. Feel free to send me other questions. It’s one thing to have input, walking by a few stores and pointing out things you like to guide him in the right direction, but it’s another thing to take over. This ring is important, yes, but shouldn’t the relationship take precedence?

DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I are in similar industries, and I can’t help but feel the competitive vibes from her. When I talk about something at work, she mimics it. When I put something on social media, she doesn’t like it or comment on it. She always tries to upstage me, and I’m sick of it. I want to be supportive of her, but I’m starting to feel as if we are becoming more like frenemies than friends. I guess the question to you is what would you do if you were in my shoes? Retaliate? Ignore her? Confront her? I’m at a loss but feeling more agitated as the days go by. -- FRIENDS TO FRENEMIES

DEAR FRIENDS TO FRENEMIES: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery -- and also the most annoying. It would be easy to say “you do you,” “ignore the haters” or other catchy phrases found on Instagram, but when it’s actually happening to you, it feels pretty lousy. In any case, it won’t help you in any way by breathing life into this situation — whether it’s real or imagined. If you confront her about this, she will deny any wrongdoing and probably turn it around to make you look petty. If you retaliate (and I’m not even sure what you mean by that), then you become the thing you are annoyed by, and that’s not a good look. Just try to just ignore it. So what if she doesn’t like your posts on Facebook? Are we all that insecure that we need constant validation? (Don’t answer that). Instead, just keep focused on what you need to do to move forward, be kind and recognize that those competitive vibes you are feeling may be coming from you as well. Harness that energy to propel yourself, but don’t let it get tripped up on her.

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Thinking about finding a new job? Use that network that you have been cultivating to put out feelers. Give some contacts your updated resume, ask them for their thoughts on how to make it stronger, and then ask them to pass it around. They may feel flattered that you wanted their opinion and more willing to help you.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My fiance and I are planning on getting married in September, and your advice on wedding invites last week made me think about a situation I am dealing with. My sister and fiance do not get along, and because of this, there has been a lot of tension in the family. I don't want any issues on my wedding day, so I told my mom I don't want to invite my sister. And now my mom is threatening not to come if my sister doesn't come. Not sure what I should do. Maybe it's better if they both aren't there? What do you think? -- BAD SITUATION 

DEAR BAD SITUATION: I'm sorry that your sister and fiance can't seem to find common ground. But by uninviting her, you are only going to create even more of a rift in the family, and you may regret it years later. Instead, tell your sister that you definitely want her to be a part of this special day, and that you hope that this occasion is the start of a new chapter for everyone. 

If your fiance and sister are willing to sit down (and politely) talk to each other before the day, that would be ideal. Maybe they can squash this so that everyone can move forward. If that is a bad idea, then let your sister know that while she is invited to the wedding, it is under the assumption that she can control her emotions and accept the fact that you are choosing to marry the person you love, and that for this reason alone, she needs to support you. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have a disability (I would rather not disclose the nature of it) and was wondering how to handle this when dating. Do I bring it up right when I meet someone? Do I wait and see? Does it even matter when it comes to relationships? -- ABLE TO DATE 

DEAR ABLE TO DATE: Dating is a tricky landscape to navigate, and people can be easily thrown off by the smallest issue. Because I don't know what kind of disability you have, I assume it falls into one of two categories: 1. visible disabilities or 2. invisible disabilities. If your disability is physical and visible (for example, perhaps you have mobility issues), it will be apparent to whomever is meeting you that this is the case. You will basically know right away whether this is something that they can handle. When I worked with people in the past with physical disabilities, we would talk about the difficulties in dating, and I would remind them not to take it personally if someone just can't deal. It is a blessing to know this upfront because clearly that person would not be a good partner for you. Some people are not emotionally or mentally equipped to handle others with special needs, and that has nothing to do with you. 

If your disability is invisible (for example, a mental health issue or learning disability) take it slow when you start dating. I have a good friend with an intense mental illness, and we would talk about struggles in dating all the time. He is now engaged to a lovely woman who understands him on a deep level and can weather the ups and downs with him. She chose to be there, and he chose her. It took time and built slowly, and it was a relationship based on trust, communication and honesty. So keep in mind that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if you have an open mind and an open heart, the right person could be just around the corner. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Being vulnerable can work to your advantage in social situations. Case in point: When I first started as the SEEN editor, I was on my way to an event and got lost in a parking garage. (Don't judge me, I have a terrible sense of direction). I asked a very nice woman if she knew how to get where I was going, and we happened to be attending the same event! I later ran into her at another event (where I realized who she was ... and she's a big deal!). We became fast friends, and I am lucky to call her a mentor. So don't be shy. Reach out when you need assistance because you never know who you may be chatting with! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)