DEAR NATALIE: I wanted to have a husband by 30. I turned 30 in December, and my boyfriend and I broke up basically because I gave him an ultimatum. He wasn’t ready and I was, and that was that. I’m heartbroken and lonely and want him back. What should I do? He won’t return my calls or texts or anything. He stopped following me on social media. Should I continue to pursue this or try and move on? I’m totally at a loss. -- BROKENHEARTED GIRL

DEAR BROKENHEARTED GIRL: Ever heard of that saying, “We make plans and God laughs?” Instead of putting pressure on yourself to reach these arbitrary milestones that society puts unnecessary pressure on us to achieve, why not instead dig a little deeper into what it is you really want. Do you really want him back? Or, do you really want a husband? Don’t waste energy on someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Bear in mind that this is a new chapter, a new beginning that you can focus your attention on. Instead of waiting for him to call, redirect your energy on finding happiness within yourself. A husband won’t make you happy. A child won’t make you happy. They can enhance or detract from your own contentment, but bliss must first be cultivated from within. And as you begin to radiate joy, you may find that the right person will come along to complement this new you.

DEAR NATALIE: With the New Year looming, I always try and give myself a big goal to achieve. Every year I fall short and feel embarrassed by what I didn’t do. Last year, my goal was to lose 25 pounds. I lost 5, gave up and haven’t lost any more weight. The year before that, I wanted to get a new job and move up in my profession but didn’t come close to a promotion. I’m in a rut. Any suggestions to make 2018 more fruitful? -- FRUITLESS YEAR

DEAR FRUITLESS YEAR: Instead of making one giant lofty goal that will most likely make you feel badly if you don’t achieve it, write down three attainable goals for the new year, and then write below each goal three action steps toward achieving them. It is amazing what can shift in our psyche once we put pen to paper. Just thinking about the things you want isn’t enough. You need a plan to help you follow through and stay focused. For example, if you want to lose 25 pounds, maybe the goal is to “get healthier” in 2018. The action steps could be: “walk XX number of steps a day,” “eat three to four servings of vegetables a day,” “take a yoga class once a week” ... you get the idea. By creating a map to get you to your destination, you will have a much better chance of getting there! Bon voyage!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t underestimate the power of “hello.” Sometimes we assume people don’t want to interact or get to know one another, and we isolate ourselves. But any situation can bring you closer to a new contact that may prove to be helpful in the future. So get out there and be friendly!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I work with someone who is consistently late or absent. This causes stress among the people covering for him. Our manager is doing nothing in either direction -- no reward for showing up, no punishment for not. What might I do to find more balance? I believe the manager doesn't care what happens. -- BALANCING ACT 

DEAR BALANCING ACT: You cannot care more than the other person does, meaning, if your boss is shrugging his or her shoulders apathetically at this co-worker, it will do you no good to worry or stress about them. You are picking up his slack, and I suggest that you stop. If your boss asks why something doesn't get done at the office or why a customer is unhappy, simply say, "I'm doing what I was supposed to do. Some of us aren't and it isn't my responsibility to do their job as well." Most likely your boss isn't paying any attention because he or she isn't seeing the ramifications of this other employee's actions. Once those actions are made known, you might be surprised how quickly the manager will suddenly care. 

DEAR NATALIE: I'm a professional male in my late 30s and I am ready to settle down. But all the (cute!) guys that seem to flock to me are a lot younger (mid to early 20s). I want to try to find love, but I end up falling for guys who are really unattainable or just not realistic matches. What can I do to improve my odds to find a love match? -- FLIRTS WITH TROUBLE 

DEAR FLIRTS WITH TROUBLE: Sometimes we enjoy what is unattainable because we don't have to worry about getting hurt or feeling vulnerable. It can be fun to flirt or enjoy someone's company if you know it isn't going to go anywhere. It's exciting (and even a little sexy!). 

But when you are thinking about getting serious about love, the question you have to ask is: Are you making room for it? Of course you are "seeing" only the 20-somethings because that is what you want to see. But, if you really want to find love with someone who has the same vision of the future as you do, you have to delete your digital black book of all the names that are preventing those spaces from being filled with love. 

Until you decide to change who you look at and what you are looking for, you will continue to see only what you want.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Kicking off a conversation can be easy if you ask questions, but what do you do when you run out of things to say? Don't force a connection. If the conversation dries up, simply thank them for chatting with you and say something like, "I don't want to keep you, I'm sure you have plenty of other people you would like to mingle with!" Then simply exchange business cards and move on to the next person.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: Being a 39-year-old single mom with an autistic toddler is hard, especially because I am at the point where I am ready to date and open to a relationship. I get asked out a lot, and have given a few guys a chance. But after telling them my situation, they get scared off or just lose interest. I am an open person who believes in being honest. So, my question is: In the future should I wait to tell my date? My life is busy with several therapy hours during the week and meetings; therefore, dates are limited to weekends. If I don't say anything I may appear unavailable or not interested. Advice or suggestions are welcome. -- READY AND WAITING 

DEAR READY AND WAITING: Relationships in and of themselves can be challenging, but when you add in an element, such as a child with special needs, dating can seem almost hopeless. But fear not. It sounds like you take dating very seriously, and want your potential partner to know everything immediately. This intensity can scare people away. Take things more slowly. You can mention that you have a son with autism, but don't make the entire conversation about that. Dating should be fun. So, keep that in mind when sitting across from someone at dinner. (It's not a therapy session.) The more lighthearted your approach, the more relaxed you and your potential partner will be. Nobody wants to jump headfirst into a delicate situation. (And have fun. You're not only a loving mother, but also a woman who deserves to live and laugh, too!) 

DEAR NATALIE: I am dating two men at the moment and have been married several times and widowed twice. Here are a few real questions about geriatric dating (and I would love a younger person's perspective!): At the top of the list, of course, do you tell him when his fly is open? Others: Do you tell him why he is getting dirty looks and horns honking is because his right-hand signal has been on for the last 20 blocks? Do you wake him up when he falls sound asleep during a performance? Do you tell him he has dripped soup all over his tie? Wipe crumbs off his vest? -- BLUE HAIR DATING BLUES

DEAR BLUE HAIR DATING BLUES: No matter what his age, tell him his fly is open, and maybe even crack a joke about it, too. When he's cruising down the road with his blinker on for several blocks, mention it politely (like you just noticed it!) so he doesn't feel embarrassed. And feel free to glare back at those drivers for putting you on the spot. When he's sleeping at the theater, don't wake him unless he starts to snore. Or drool. Or both. And remember the words of Ivana Trump when it came to dating: "I'd rather be a baby sitter than a nurse!" (So "no" to wiping crumbs off of his shirt. Nobody wants to date their mom!) 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Expand your social network. It can be easy to get into a networking rut and always attend events with the same groups of people. Get out of your comfort zone and explore events with people in fields unrelated to your own, enriching your network and life experience! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)