DEAR NATALIE: I often hear how friendships are so important -- for socialization and happiness as well as for health benefits. But as an adult in my late 40s, I find that it is not easy to make new friends. My husband and I used to do things with a group of friends, with co-workers and with neighbors. Slowly, things changed ... everyone had kids and got busy with their hectic schedules. We see people occasionally but not as often as we would like. My husband and I both work from home, so that social opportunity and way of meeting and seeing people is gone. And lately, the people we do see are the types who monopolize the conversation. I encountered three people over the past two weeks who only talked about themselves and their problems. No one even asks, "What's new with you?" I'm not one to let people walk all over me, but I feel as if my being polite allowed these conversations to be one-way streets. I want to meet new people and do things with them, but it is not as easy as it used to be. Please help. -- LONELY 40-SOMETHING

DEAR LONELY 40-SOMETHING: After posting your anonymous letter on my Facebook page, my readers have weighed in to provide some options for finding new, fun friends. Rachel Zubrow of Squirrel Hill wrote: "I'd suggest volunteering! It's great for getting out of the house, meeting new people who may have things in common." Rosemary Mendel of Plum added, "Take up a hobby or lessons -- dancing, glass-blowing, cooking, whatever you find interesting. A new group of friends could open up there." Julia Novakovic of Rochester, N.Y., suggested www.meetup.com: "Every city seems to have groups with special interests for which you can browse and sign up to attend meetings or outings." (Pittsburgh has more than 400 meetup groups on every interest imaginable.) I also suggest starting a private Facebook group and try monthly potluck dinners to help reignite your current friendships. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best girlfriend is driving me nuts. The guy she was seeing (for only a few months) broke it off with her and you would think the world is ending. We are both in our mid-20s with different outlooks about relationships. I don't worry about having a boyfriend, and live my life. She NEEDS a man, and when she doesn't have one, she's just miserable. How do I get her out of this funk (for both of our sakes)? -- LOSING MY MIND 

DEAR LOSING MY MIND: I'm going to save you a lot of frustration (and money for a therapist) and just say this: You can't get her out of this funk. The only thing you can do is wait it out and put some healthy distance between the two of you until the storm cloud passes. In the meantime, take her out and see if she can meet someone new. A little flirtation will most likely distract her from the pain of being dumped, and it will spare you from having to listen to her sounding like a sad broken record mixed with white wine. A win-win all around!  

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating this guy for about a year now. Everything is fine, but I feel like that spark is gone. He's more like a friend than a lover at this point. The problem is, he's much more in love with me than I am with him, and he's talking about getting engaged. We went ring shopping the other day, and while I think it's romantic, I felt nothing. I don't want to break up with him, though, because he is a great person. But living in this stale relationship is not working either. What do I do? -- SPARKLESS 

DEAR SPARKLESS: Being a great person is one thing, but a relationship is its own separate entity. There is you, there is your boyfriend, and there is the relationship. On his own, he may be a great person, but if the relationship component isn't working, it isn't fair to him -- or you -- to stay and be unhappy. Talk to him about the fact that you feel as though you may be moving too fast and see what he says. If you are afraid to lose him, ask yourself why. If there is still something there, work to strengthen it. But, if you are just afraid to be alone or afraid to cut him loose because he is a good person, I suggest you do some soul searching. It is selfish of you to keep him around because you basically are saying: "While I don't like you enough, I don't want anyone else to have you either." Not cool. 

DEAR NATALIE: I recently got married, and now I feel like I made a big mistake. We didn't know each other for that long when we got engaged, which was exciting, and planning the wedding was a lot of fun. But, now I am feeling depressed. There is nothing to look forward to. I talked to my husband about this, and he thinks I'm crazy. He said to me, "The wedding was the biggest party we will ever have. Just think of those memories, and you will be fine." Ugh, isn't that depressing? Like the best year I'll ever have is behind me? How do I get out of this rut? -- WEDDING BELL BLUES 

DEAR WEDDING BELL BLUES: The first year of marriage can be quite a challenge because you are coming down from the adrenaline rush of engagement excitement and wedding bells. Try reconnecting with your new husband and find fun ways to be together. Take a class together or plan a weekly date night to keep the energy flowing. Or, instead of sitting around moping about the amazing year that you had, acknowledge that times change, emotions ebb and flow, and then get off your butt and do something to help someone else. There are about a million humanitarian crises happening around you. Why not organize an event (because you love parties) and help to raise money for the victims of the Las Vegas shooting or the hurricane victims in the Caribbean or Florida or Texas? There are so many people and places that need our help right now. So, don't sit around and mope because of a lack of excitement in your life. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating two guys for a while now, and both want me to commit to “just them.” I don’t feel ready to be monogamous with either one, but I really like them both and don’t want to lose either of them. I haven’t exactly told either of them that I am seeing someone else, and I think they both think we are in a committed relationship. How do I fix this? I can’t decide who to pick, and I don’t want to lose either of them. -- HAVE MY CAKE

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE: So what’s really going on here is that you are living a double life. Aren’t you exhausted? I’m exhausted thinking about it! Unfortunately, you stand to lose both of them at this point because you have been lying the whole time. Maybe one (or both) won’t care that you are “hanging out” with someone else, but my guess is they will. In any case, the longer you put this off, the worse it is going to be. Just tell them the truth as gently as you can. Say something like, “I know we’ve been moving a little fast, and I haven’t exactly been completely honest about the fact that I’m still seeing other people ...” If one of them freaks out and the other accepts it, well then, the decision is made for you. Or, perhaps it’ll be like a Bohemian dream, and the three of you can live in happiness together. Or not. Either way, I would just tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. At the end of the day, sneaking around is not a good look. And you may wind up with cake on your face.

DEAR NATALIE: With all of the sexual harassment all over the media, I’m starting to think that there are no good men out there. I went out on a date the other night (we’ve only gone out a few times), and I brought up this conversation. He got really upset and was like, “Not all men are pigs!” Needless to say, he hasn’t called. I feel badly because I like him, but I also feel frustrated because I’m starting to think that all men really are pigs. But I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life either. What do you think I should do? Should I text him and apologize? But what am I even apologizing for? Nothing makes sense anymore. Thoughts? -- DEJECTED

DEAR DEJECTED: First, take a big breath. The world is not as dark and sinister as it appears. Right now, there is a purge of sorts happening, so while it may seem really bad, it’s always darkest before the dawn. I hope. Either that or we’ve slipped into a soon-to-be zombie apocalypse. It was probably tough for your date to feel as though he was saying the right thing because I think everyone feels as though no matter what they say in any situation right now it is the wrong thing. He probably felt defensive because he’s never had to reflect on this before and never had to wonder about his own privilege. But with you he had to and most likely felt uncomfortable, just as you felt frustrated. Texting him is a good idea but keep it light. Say something like, “I know our last conversation was heated, but sparks are a good thing, right?” See if he responds. But regardless, don’t give up on humanity. Don’t give up on love. It may seem grim right now, but I think an awakening takes time, soul searching, real honest conversation, uncomfortable exchanges and reflection. There are men out there willing to do the work, and I think if you put out a vibe of compassion and understanding, the right one will find you.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not sure what to give your colleagues at work? Sometimes, a personal handwritten note on a pretty card is all it takes to lift spirits.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)