DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating two guys for a while now, and both want me to commit to “just them.” I don’t feel ready to be monogamous with either one, but I really like them both and don’t want to lose either of them. I haven’t exactly told either of them that I am seeing someone else, and I think they both think we are in a committed relationship. How do I fix this? I can’t decide who to pick, and I don’t want to lose either of them. -- HAVE MY CAKE

DEAR HAVE MY CAKE: So what’s really going on here is that you are living a double life. Aren’t you exhausted? I’m exhausted thinking about it! Unfortunately, you stand to lose both of them at this point because you have been lying the whole time. Maybe one (or both) won’t care that you are “hanging out” with someone else, but my guess is they will. In any case, the longer you put this off, the worse it is going to be. Just tell them the truth as gently as you can. Say something like, “I know we’ve been moving a little fast, and I haven’t exactly been completely honest about the fact that I’m still seeing other people ...” If one of them freaks out and the other accepts it, well then, the decision is made for you. Or, perhaps it’ll be like a Bohemian dream, and the three of you can live in happiness together. Or not. Either way, I would just tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. At the end of the day, sneaking around is not a good look. And you may wind up with cake on your face.

DEAR NATALIE: With all of the sexual harassment all over the media, I’m starting to think that there are no good men out there. I went out on a date the other night (we’ve only gone out a few times), and I brought up this conversation. He got really upset and was like, “Not all men are pigs!” Needless to say, he hasn’t called. I feel badly because I like him, but I also feel frustrated because I’m starting to think that all men really are pigs. But I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life either. What do you think I should do? Should I text him and apologize? But what am I even apologizing for? Nothing makes sense anymore. Thoughts? -- DEJECTED

DEAR DEJECTED: First, take a big breath. The world is not as dark and sinister as it appears. Right now, there is a purge of sorts happening, so while it may seem really bad, it’s always darkest before the dawn. I hope. Either that or we’ve slipped into a soon-to-be zombie apocalypse. It was probably tough for your date to feel as though he was saying the right thing because I think everyone feels as though no matter what they say in any situation right now it is the wrong thing. He probably felt defensive because he’s never had to reflect on this before and never had to wonder about his own privilege. But with you he had to and most likely felt uncomfortable, just as you felt frustrated. Texting him is a good idea but keep it light. Say something like, “I know our last conversation was heated, but sparks are a good thing, right?” See if he responds. But regardless, don’t give up on humanity. Don’t give up on love. It may seem grim right now, but I think an awakening takes time, soul searching, real honest conversation, uncomfortable exchanges and reflection. There are men out there willing to do the work, and I think if you put out a vibe of compassion and understanding, the right one will find you.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not sure what to give your colleagues at work? Sometimes, a personal handwritten note on a pretty card is all it takes to lift spirits.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My son recently got engaged, and they are in the planning stages of their wedding. We have a small family, and the bride has a large family. I saw the tentative list of invitees. The bride's family looked to be sizable; our family had a small amount of invitees, including my husband and me. I'm trying not to get out of control, but is it too early to ask if we are allowed to invite close friends because the venue they are looking at has very limited space? We already gave them a sizable check with no restrictions. -- HURT ALREADY 

DEAR HURT ALREADY: Aren't weddings so fun? Everyone has to smile at one another while secretly wanting to pull each other's hair out. But before you end up bald before the wedding, stop and think before handing them a list of your closest friends. Clearly, the bride has the reins in this case, and while back in the day it was customary for the bride's family to pay for most -- if not all -- of the party, the cost of weddings has increased so much that it is often a group effort. I applaud you for cutting them a sizable check to help with the costs, but I still feel as though this is her day. Instead of approaching her with a list of your friends, first go to your son and say to him, "I noticed the guest list is really unbalanced. Here are some close family friends. You remember so-and-so?" See if he can nudge her into including two or three more couples on your side of the aisle. But, if that doesn't go anywhere, do what a lot of my friends are doing: Make this a multi-part event and have your close friends over for brunch the next day after the wedding (and invite her immediate family of course!) to celebrate their marriage. It may not be the same as being at the wedding, but the gesture will be sweet, and who doesn't like mimosas to cure their wedding hangover? 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't think of Instagram as just a place where selfies live. Make connections through the direct messenger and reach out to people through your social network to help facilitate relationships. A little "like" can go a long way! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: A year ago a very good friend/co-worker and I had a falling out of sorts. When "Sue" was on vacation, I said some uncaring, disloyal things about her. I was under extreme stress due to family and work issues but that is no excuse. My comments were relayed to her by another co-worker/friend while Sue was away. When she returned, she was very cool towards me. I called her the next day and we had a good talk about what I had said and why. She said she was very "disappointed" and hurt that I didn't have her back when she always had mine. I apologized profusely, admitted there was no excuse for me to talk about her that way and hoped she could forgive me and we could still be friends. She said not to worry, we would always be friends. However, throughout the past year, our friendship has not been the same. I miss the way we used to talk and confide in each other. We are still friends but the closeness is gone. I don't know what I can do at this point. It's more of a feeling on my part, not something I can put in words as so much time has gone by. Do I just accept the fact that I really screwed up and we'll never be best friends again? -- MISSING MY BFF 

DEAR MISSING MY BFF: Ouch. Sounds as though you made quite a mess, but I don't believe that all is lost. First, let's look at this from Sue's perspective. Her BFF talks behind her back, says some really hurtful/embarrassing things and then gets an apology from her so-called BFF. What's a girl to do? However, we are all human. We all make mistakes and it sounds as though you have beaten yourself up about this long enough. Actions speak louder than words, and the best thing you can do is to show her -- no matter how long it takes -- that you miss her, you want to be close again, and that you learned your lesson about talking behind her back. It's not a nice feeling when unkind words are said, and I'm sure she was really sad when those words got back to her. It's also important to note that the little bird that told her what was said should be kept at arm's length, as well, as you don't need her meddling. Instead, make a concerted effort to continue to reach out to Sue and recognize that while you may never have the exact same relationship as you once did, friendship is built on trust and loyalty, and that can take time to rebuild. But you can do it, brick by brick. 

DEAR NATALIE: With the holidays right around the corner - can you believe it! -- my partner and I are already fighting about where we will be spending our time. She wants to visit her family out in Arizona, but my family is in our city. I don't really have the funds, or the time, to travel this season, but she is adamant, saying that we always do what I want to do. While there is a little truth to that, her family was really cold toward her when she came out, and I don't understand why she wants to spend time with them, anyway, considering my family adores her and she loves them, too. Any thoughts as to how to make this work? -- I'M DREAMING OF A CALM CHRISTMAS 

DEAR I’M DREAMING OF A CALM CHRISTMAS: I was totally on board with you until I got halfway through your letter and realized that maybe your partner is trying to improve her relationship with her family. Don't roll your eyes. I know it may seem weird to think that since they were so cold to her, why would she care so much? But, these issues run deep and we all want to be loved and accepted by our family. Maybe she feels as though things are calmer now, maybe the dust has settled, or maybe her family has been reaching out and she just hasn't told you because - ahem - you sound a little judgy about the whole thing. And while they were probably acting like jerks about the whole thing, time can heal, and the holidays, as cliche as it sounds, are a perfect time to feel nostalgic, to feel warm and fuzzy and to feel like you just want to forgive and hug it out. Don't deny her that. Find a way to make it happen so that she can spend some time making up for lost time this holiday season. Betcha she will kiss you under the mistletoe!  

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Recently, I checked off an item from my bucket list: Buy a drink for the person behind me in line at the coffee shop. It felt really awesome to do a totally random act of kindness, and we ended up having a really great conversation. You never know where or how you are going to make a connection, so open yourself up to the possibility that a latte love can go a long way.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)