A couple in their 30s -- a Spanish teacher married to a mechanical engineer -- had an explosive breakup due to suddenly discovered infidelity. Within a matter of hours, she’d packed up and moved, bringing the relationship to a sudden end.

But decisions about the couple’s real estate took much longer. Through their lawyers, the partners ultimately forged an agreement letting the husband retain ownership of the couple’s suburban house, a deal approved by the divorce court.

One year after the divorce, the husband decided to sell the house. Though he enjoyed its tranquil setting overlooking a nature preserve, life there proved too full of bitter memories.

Laurel Starks doesn’t know the couple in this true story. But as an expert on real estate and divorce, she understands why it took the husband a lengthy time to make a final decision on the sale of the house.

“Ending a relationship through divorce is usually new terrain, accompanied by its own riot of emotions. Together, these ingredients can make for an overwhelmingly traumatic experience,” says Starks, the author of “The House Matters in Divorce.”

“It’s not only the emotional issues related to housing that need to be sorted out in the post-breakup period. Often there are also many thorny financial issues involved," says Bojana Rovchanin, a chartered financial analyst who specializes in helping clients make real estate choices.

Of course, not everyone who owns a home post-divorce can afford to wait to sell. Some face court orders forcing them to do so. And others confront financial constraints that compel them to liquidate promptly.

Mark Nash, a real estate analyst and longtime broker, says that in the post-divorce period, many people cling to ownership of a family home because it represents their identity. This is especially common for women with grown children. Even so, moving to a different place can give them a fresh start on life.

“Keeping a house that’s essentially become a museum of your past life is usually very lonely. It’s also costly in time and money to keep a place with lots of extra space,” says Nash, the author of “1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home.”

Here are a few pointers for those facing a post-divorce housing decision:

-- Seek guidance on the financial implications of your options.

Nash recommends that anyone facing a major money decision -- such as whether to sell a house -- consult a trusted accountant or financial planner before going forward.

“Everyone needs a reality check on their money. You need an impartial observer to help you make a careful assessment of your whole financial situation and analyze your alternatives,” Nash says.

Before you visit your adviser’s office, Nash encourages you to spend time with your checkbook and credit card statements to determine exactly how much your house is costing you.

“Many people greatly underestimate what they’re spending on home upkeep, household services and furnishings. They think only about their mortgage payments and taxes,” Nash says.

-- Frame your options within the big picture of your ideal lifestyle.

Often, people see their real estate choices in isolation from the larger issues of their lives, says Michael Knight, a planner affiliated with the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (napfa.org). But he says all major financial decisions should be made with your lifestyle preferences in mind.

Assuming you’re one of those fortunate enough to have financial options, to whom should you turn to help formulate your plans? Sometimes, a real estate agent who’s willing to listen to your story (and won’t push you to sell) is a better adviser than a close friend or family member.

“The people closest to you aren’t always the most objective. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a real estate agent, consider talking through your personal plans with a therapist or life coach,” Nash says.

-- Move toward a conclusion slowly and deliberately.

Nash, like many veterans of the real estate business, knows it can be a mistake to hurry into a home sale soon after a life-changing event, such as a marital breakup or the death of a spouse. For many people, this is an especially traumatic period if it occurs around the time their children have left the nest for college or other endeavors.

“When the last child leaves home, some people go through a personal crisis that can cloud their judgment,” Nash says.

He advises those navigating through any major life transition to wait as long as it takes to make a decision they know will be comfortable for them.

“If time allows, delay any big housing move until your gut -- and pocketbook -- tell you the time is absolutely right,” Nash says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

All over America, young adults living in cramped apartments ache to buy an affordable property of their own with more square footage. Meanwhile, at the opposite end of the age spectrum, many older homeowners are saddled with too much real estate. That’s especially true for older couples entering a second marriage who possess two properties and are stumped on how to proceed.

Michael Knight, a certified financial planner has helped a number of remarrying couples sort through such issues. Some of the toughest decisions aren’t always financial.

“There are also big territorial issues involved,” says Knight, explaining that each partner may be fearful of moving onto the other’s turf.

Here are a few pointers for homeowners entering a second marriage:

-- Take all the time you need to talk through the issues.

People who marry for the second time often have many years of independent living behind them. They’ve been free to make their own decisions without discussion. This makes it all the more imperative that when facing a major housing choice, couples discuss it thoroughly.

“They need to take a clean piece of paper and list their own individual requirements, putting these in priority order. Then they should interview each other and ask why each item is important,” says Knight, who’s affiliated with the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (napfa.org).

If such a dialogue fails to yield answers, the couple might consider consulting a financial adviser for a few hours. The adviser can serve as a catalyst -- helping direct the conversation in a way that yields workable answers for both husband and wife.

“There’s a benefit to third-party objectivity,” Knight says.

-- Carefully consider your preferences on location.

In their new lives as remarried empty nesters, older couples have greater latitude to alter their housing than they did when their children were young. They don’t need to worry about access to quality schools or soccer fields for their kids.

“Needs change. At this stage, some couples want to move to areas with a rural feel. Others wish to move closer to a city where cultural options are plentiful,” says Dorcas Helfant, a former president of the National Association of Realtors (realtor.org).

One way to approach the topic of where best to live, she says, is to visualize what you’d be doing during an ideal day, week and month. Would you rather be tending a magnificent rose garden or dining at a fine restaurant?

By listing your favorite activities, you’ll get a feel for the sort of location that would best suit you and your partner in coming years.

-- Keep an open mind about the ideal size for a home.

Smaller is beautiful for some couples, who’d just as soon shed the lawn work and other upkeep they’ve endured for years. Yet other couples can’t wait to buy a property even larger than the combined square footage of their two current houses.

Those dreaming of foreign travel might willingly give up the prestige of a large suburban home; they’d rather own a brand-new townhouse with no upkeep worries. Or the opposite might be true.

“Assuming money allows, midlife could be the first time you feel prosperous enough to realize your lifelong dream of owning that 5,000-square-foot house,” Helfant says.

But again, reconciling your wants and needs with those of the other partner should help you determine the right answer.

-- Factor retirement planning into your housing decisions.

It’s no secret that many people have saved little for retirement. Likewise, it’s hardly a surprise that financial planners such as Knight caution against taking on larger mortgage payments until you’ve put away enough to fund retirement.

How do you know if you and your partner have amassed sufficient money to retire? Answering this question requires thorough analysis. You’ll need to estimate your expected life spans, the years you plan to spend in retirement and how much you’ll need each year. For example, a couple who intends to travel abroad will likely need more money than one who favors bowling as a hobby.

“Your core spending rate per year is driven by your lifestyle. Without doing the numbers, it’s hard to know if you’ll need $4,000 a month or $10,000,” Knight says.

To help get a handle on your financial needs in retirement, you can use the free retirement planning calculators now widely available on the internet. Many advisers recommend the retirement toolkits offered by the U.S. Department of Labor (dol.gov).

-- Don’t rule out selling both your houses and buying a third.

For the man and woman marrying for a second time, there are often uncomfortable feelings related to moving into the other’s place, where the presence of a former spouse could loom large.

For many two-home couples launching into a new marriage, the notion of selling both their properties and starting fresh with a different place is appealing.

“Unless there’s a compelling reason not to, I’d buy or rent a third property and sell the other two houses,” Knight says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

An engineer in her late 60s is keen to sell her house. In fact, she’s already put down a deposit on a condo in a nearby retirement community. But she feels overwhelmed by all the repairs and upgrades her place needs to sell well.

What’s holding the engineer back? Her organizational issues are attributable to attention deficit disorder (ADD).

Linda Anderson, an ADD specialist and coach for those with the disorder, doesn’t know the engineer in this true story. But she’s worked with many clients who’ve also been troubled by the complex details involved in the home sale process.

“The challenges of moving can be monumental for people with attention and organizational issues,” says Anderson, a past president of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (add.org), a professional group focused mainly on adults with ADD.

Here are a few pointers for sellers:

-- Search for a support person to assist.

The to-do list is long for homeowners who want to sell their property. Choosing the right listing agent is just the first step. Sellers must also decide how much to ask for the home and complete the often-arduous process of decluttering the place and ensuring it’s in good repair. Plus, there’s the move itself.

“When they move, those with ADD face a tough road unless they connect with people who can keep them on track,” says Anderson, who has coached adults with ADD since 1995.

A well-trained coach can help those charting a major move to develop a game plan and then to break the plan down into a sequence of small and manageable pieces.

“Without a realistic plan, a big project, like preparing for a move, can seem so overwhelming to the ADD brain that it will shut down due to the stress,” Anderson says.

Terry Matlen, a Michigan-based social worker who assists clients with ADD all over the country, recommends that sellers facing organizational problems consider hiring a professional organizer to help keep them on track. One place to search for local assistance is through the National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals (napo.net).

Other places to search for help? You could use an online source to place an ad to hire someone who is naturally organized -- perhaps a retired person or a college student. This person could help you both outline your game plan and provide hands-on assistance with the process of decluttering your property and pre-packing for your move.

-- Work from your strengths.

Those with ADD are often intelligent, creative people who can draw on these positive attributes.

“A lot of my clients have tremendous energy, which typically comes in spurts,” Anderson says.

She’s developed several time- and attention-management techniques that work for people with ADD as they face the tasks involved in a lengthy project.

Even after the project is broken down into small pieces, people with ADD must beware of time-consuming digressions. One way to do this is to turn off your phone and shut down your email, at least until you’ve completed the task at hand.

Anderson suggests you take frequent breaks during a laborious task. To help avoid burnout, use a kitchen timer and give yourself a brief break when it goes off.

“To keep on track, you need to pat yourself on the back every time you make progress toward your goal. Also, give yourself rewards along the way,” she says.

-- Seek to jump-start your work on an off-day.

Despite the best of plans, people with ADD sometimes have trouble gaining the momentum to launch into a new task.

If you find yourself in this situation, Anderson recommends you consider starting your day with aerobic exercise, such as a fast-paced walk through your neighborhood.

“This helps stimulate the brain into action, as does the use of rhythmic music,” Anderson says.

If you’re working alone and find yourself unable to concentrate, consider asking a friend or neighbor to step in, at least until you can get your work started.

“People with ADD need to connect and reconnect with other people throughout the project,” Anderson says.

-- Allow yourself sufficient time.

Due to their propensity for distraction, those with ADD must often allow more time to complete work than do others with razor-sharp concentration skills.

In setting a schedule for the tasks involved in your housing transition, Anderson advises that you set rational, reasonable deadlines and not try to fit too much into any given day.

Besides the customary to-do list, one tool Anderson likes is an accompanying not-to-do list. By reducing the expectations you set for yourself, you could also reduce your anxiety level and accomplish more.

On a day when you have to prune plants throughout your yard, for instance, you’d be wise to place unrelated tasks -- like shopping for groceries or cleaning the car -- on your not-to-do list.

Even those who are normally very focused can find a housing transition problematic. This is especially so if they’ve lived in the same home for a long time and are downsizing to a smaller place.

“Remember that we live in a hugely cluttered society and that this poses problems for nearly everyone involved in a move,” Anderson says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)