Call it a retreat, a haven, a safe harbor. But whatever name you give it, a private home, especially one owned by its occupants, represents the proverbial castle that offers solace. And in a turbulent world, that feeling of calm has become all the more important for homebuyers.

"We're all going back to our human roots, for shelter, comfort and escape," says Ashley Richardson, a veteran real estate agent who first began selling homes in 1993.

Elizabeth Mendenhall, a real estate broker and president-elect of the National Association of Realtors (www.realtor.org), says that the home features and finishes chosen by the current generation of homebuyers reflect their desire for an easygoing style of living.

"Fireplaces create a relaxing ambiance, as do spa-worthy features in bathrooms. These include steam showers and showers with multiple heads. People are always looking for a little bit of luxury," she says.

Moreover, the desire for calm is also reflected in preferences for paint colors.

"Buyers now like more muted paint colors, such as light blues, grays and greens. They like these better than bright colors like yellows," Mendenhall says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers seeking that special something:

-- Seek surroundings that seem calming to you.

Because there's no single answer as to the type of neighborhood most likely to put you at ease, one key is to reflect back on your past habitats and recall how you felt living in those various settings.

"Maybe you want to cocoon in a neighborly place where people get to know each other as friends. Others want ... anonymity of isolation and are most at peace in a wooded area where neighbors keep their distance," says Tom Early, a real estate broker and past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (www.naeba.org).

One thing preferred by the majority of buyers is a quiet street.

"To reduce your chances of being bombarded by noise, choose a community with very little cross-through traffic," Early says.

How can you gain assurance that the neighborhood you choose will be relatively free of traffic rumbling through?

Early recommends you visit your target community during a weekday morning or afternoon rush-hour period. Park your car and listen for the noise levels generated by the traffic.

-- Search for a home with a large kitchen.

For most people, the heart of a satisfying floor plan is the kitchen. And as busy couples and families spend more time together cooking, a cost-saving alternative to restaurant tabs, the size of the kitchen becomes more of an issue.

"Cooking together is the ultimate nesting experience. But you need sufficient space to cook side-by-side," says Mark Nash, a longtime real estate broker and author of "1001 Tips For Buying and Selling a Home."

To obtain a sizeable kitchen without blowing the family budget, you might consider trading off a formal dining room in the house you select, says Eric Tyson, co-author of "Home Buying For Dummies."

-- Choose a property suited to home entertainment.

Although many giant houses built within the last 10 years have dedicated home theaters -- complete with professional quality audio and video equipment, etc., this feature is less popular than many proponents had expected, according to Tyson.

Another home entertainment option that works poorly for many people is to place a large-screen TV in a spare bedroom.

"Most bedrooms, even master bedrooms, aren't big enough for comfortably viewing a big TV. You need more floor space than that," Tyson says.

Those intent on acquiring a place where they can enjoy home entertainment on comfortable sofas should consider a place with a large family room or a "great room," he says.

-- Consider a place with an extra bedroom for fitness.

"To save money, a lot of people are trading off their gym memberships in favor of working out at home. I'm very happy with the elliptical machine I've owned for years. Over time, you get a much bigger payback for the money you spend on exercise equipment than on gym dues," Nash says.

Although a spare bedroom usually works poorly as a home entertainment area, it can function well as an exercise room.

"You'll probably enjoy a better resale price if (your house) has an extra bedroom that the new owners could use as a hobby area or a home office," Nash says.

-- Look for exquisite interior finishes.

"For people who want a delightful retreat, think beautiful millwork. Even in a small house, it adds great warmth," Nash says.

He cites crown moldings, six-inch base moldings and raised panel doors as among the most popular elements of interior architecture. French doors also make rooms more livable.

"It's hard to overestimate the importance of visual appeal to the desirability of a home. Maybe you can't spend a fortune for a big house. But even a small place with gorgeous finishes can give you a wonderful, welcoming feel," Nash says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A couple in their mid-30s married a few weeks after discovering their first child was on the way. To save rent money toward a home purchase, they moved temporarily into a rundown place owned by the husband's parents.

All went smoothly until the couple transitioned to the home-buying stage. The man wanted a large garage, but kept his preference to himself. Meanwhile, the wife spotted a hilltop house with no garage that she adored, and talked her husband into its purchase.

Regrettably, the couple's marriage didn't last long after they moved to the hilltop house. One factor leading to the breakup was the husband's smoldering resentment over how their homebuying decision was reached. He felt his wife made the choice unilaterally.

The latest available data from the National Association of Realtors shows that married couples now make up the largest share of homebuyers (66 percent) and have the highest average income ($99,200). But as this true story illustrates, housing decisions not made collaboratively can be rough on relationships.

"It's not surprising that tensions can erupt when you're dealing with the largest financial decision of your lives," says Tom Early, a real estate broker who twice served as president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents.

To avoid the kind of arguments that housing decisions can engender, he recommends that couples go out of their way to understand each other's preferences.

Here are a few pointers for home-buying couples:

-- First determine how much you can afford to spend.

Many couples launch an elaborate property search before first setting their spending limits. But experienced real estate agents urge buyers to start by talking to a reputable mortgage lender who can give them affordability guidelines.

"Price comes first because it dictates how much of your wish list is actually doable," says Ashley Richardson, an agent who's sold property since 1993.

"You don't have to commit to taking out your mortgage from the first lender you see. But chances are you'll get better service and more solid information from a local lender than someone on the Internet you can only contact by phone or email," she says.

Why is it easier for couples to reach agreement if they first obtain mortgage pre-approval? Because, as Richardson says, those who know their spending limits are more realistic, which makes compromise easier.

-- Select a neighborhood as your next step.

Obviously, picking the right neighborhood is a personal choice that no real estate agent can make for you. For that reason, Richardson suggests you evaluate several neighborhoods before asking an agent to pinpoint listings in any area.

"You can save a lot of time by identifying your favorite neighborhood early and then finding a real estate agent who truly specializes in that community," Richardson says.

She recommends that couples discuss the neighborhood features most important to them. They need to decide, for example, whether it's more important to live close to work or in an area with lots of verdant open space.

Though many homebuyers spend ample time comparing neighborhoods through Internet searches, Richardson recommends they also spend some weekend hours driving through neighborhoods of interest, stopping by open houses.

-- Determine which features you're willing to trade off.

Many couples with young children are anxious to move up from a small starter home to a place with more bedrooms and bathrooms. They typically find it easy to agree on their space needs.

But beyond these core requirements, some couples argue about the next most important property features. For instance, is it more important to buy a place with a two-car garage or a large lot?

Because few couples can afford a home with every feature they want, Richardson encourages the partners to give each other a list of priorities. That way, both husband and wife will likely get more of what they want.

"To avoid fights, they have to be clear on their top concerns," she says.

-- Don't rule out buying a place that needs reasonable renovations.

Gone are the days when most homebuyers were willing to take out the largest mortgage they could obtain. Though good jobs are now more abundant than they were in the immediate aftermath of the Great Recession, many couples still fear maxing out on a home loan.

"One way to deal with the huge problem of affordability, especially for first-time buyers, is to consider a place that's priced below market but needs only superficial upgrades to make it desirable," Early says.

To find out if the improvements you'll need would fit in your budget, call contractors for cost estimates even before you sign a sales contract.

"Many busy people hate the concept of home improvement. But if you're a couple for whom cost is a major concern, agreeing on a house that needs only painting, new carpet or other cosmetic fixes could let you own a place that will ultimately make both of you happy without a stressful strain on your budget," Early says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A couple in their late 50s spent months prepping their house for sale. They did everything on their listing agent's checklist, including cleaning, de-cluttering and repairs. They even hired a designer to choose the paint color for their shutters.

But, as with most endeavors, hard work doesn't necessarily preclude hard luck. Ten days after receiving a signed contract offer, the sellers were stunned to learn the buyers were backing out.

"Out of the blue, one day they called to say they just couldn't go through with the deal due to money problems," recalls Joan McLellan Tayler, who handled the listing and eventually sold the property to other buyers.

The lesson is that when selling a home, there are no guarantees. Even sellers who follow all their listing agent's suggestions can have problems, says Tayler, a long-time real estate company owner.

Here are a few steps sellers can take to improve their odds.

-- Look for an experienced listing agent.

Tayler was new to the business when she represented the couple in the above story. Looking back, she realizes she should have asked more questions. That way, she might have helped her clients avoid a botched deal.

Too many people take a casual approach to picking an agent, she says, noting that some make the mistake of hiring a relative, a friend or a young agent looking to get started.

Ideally, she says, sellers should opt for an agent with experience in handling lots of different deals. Those with a track record, she adds, are most apt to sniff out problems before they happen.

If for personal reasons you're determined to choose a newcomer, she suggests you ask that agent to share the listing with an established pro from the same office.

"With two agents on your side, you'll benefit from both their strengths," Tayler says.

-- Request financial details on prospective buyers.

In the face of high housing prices, many purchasers continue to rely on government-backed low down payment loans.

But to prevent a repeat of the mortgage crisis that led to the financial downturn, lenders and their regulators continue to hold would-be purchasers to stringent standards.

"Since the recession, we've never returned to the era of super-easy money," says Eric Tyson, co-author of "Mortgages for Dummies."

Savvy sellers are careful to check the financial standing of would-be purchasers before accepting any bid.

Before accepting an offer, sellers should insist on seeing a genuine "pre-approval" letter from a known lender. This should establish that the prospective buyers have had their credit checked, their employment confirmed and their assets verified.

In addition, prospects can be asked to supply other details about their creditworthiness, such as their credit scores. The most common of these, known as "FICO scores," range from 300 to 850. The higher that number, the more likely are borrowers to get the loan they need to close the deal.

"To be safe, look for buyers with a FICO score of at least around 700 or better," Tyson says.

Bidders can obtain reports on their credit scores from the website www.myfico.com.

-- Foresee issues that could arise in the home inspection phase.

These days, a majority of buyers exercise their right to a home inspection. And, if they can get away with it, many use the process to better their deal.

"Some buyers view their inspector's report as a chance for a second round of negotiations. They see problems cited on the inspection report as an opportunity to cut their price for the property," Tyson says.

In especially hot markets, a small number of buyers are now voluntarily waiving their right to an inspection to make their offer more competitive. Still, it's unwise for sellers to try to talk buyers out of their own home inspection. In fact, smart sellers may wish to pay for their own inspection even before the property goes on the market, especially if their house is more than 10 years old.

"The sellers' inspector probably won't detect the same small problems as the buyers' inspector will. But both should identify really serious issues," Tyson says.

-- Try to avoid troublesome people when doing a deal.

Obviously, not all sellers are lucky enough to receive multiple bids for their property. But if you're reasonably certain you'll have more than one offer from which to choose, try to avoid cutting a deal with "difficult people."

Perhaps you'll never have face-to-face contact with your potential buyers. But your listing agent or others will likely meet them when they visit your place. And their behavior can be very telling.

"If the buyers make disparaging comments as they walk through the house, that's a red flag," Tyson says.

By avoiding difficult buyers, Tyson says you may spare yourself needless anxiety and conflict.

"It doesn't matter how great the buyers look on paper. If they're jerks at the beginning, they'll probably be jerks to the bitter end of your deal," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)