A couple in their 40s -- an electrical engineer married to a school teacher -- had rented an apartment for nearly two decades before deciding to launch a home-buying search in the Silicon Valley area. It took more than a year for them to find a home that met their key screening criteria.

"Out of impatience, they put offers on two mediocre properties and then backed out of those offers before ultimately finding the right house," says Barbara Delantoni, the veteran real estate broker who worked with the couple.

Delantoni urges buyers in sellers' markets to resist the urge to settle for a property that fails to meet their top objectives.

What was wrong with the two houses that Delantoni's clients didn't buy? Neither was located in the walkable neighborhood where they wanted to live and neither was served by well-ranked schools. After their full-year search, the couple finally snagged a house in their neighborhood of choice.

"Location is probably the No. 1 factor that buyers should avoid trading off if they can possibly avoid it," Delantoni says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Start with an early visit to a mortgage lender's office.

Richard Courtney is a seasoned real estate broker who works in the Nashville area, a music industry mecca. Through the years, he's occasionally encountered wannabe buyers, buoyed by dreams of a big record contract, with exaggerated ideas of their future income.

Real estate pros are quick to identify unrealistic buyers who believe they're candidates for a mansion yet can't even afford a small starter home. In many cases they'll decline to take such prospects on a property tour.

Courtney says most need to see a mortgage lender for help in establishing a ceiling on their financial capacities. They don't want to squander time looking at properties above their reach.

-- Think through your priorities in a deliberate way.

Once you know how much you can afford, it's time to reflect on your true wants and needs for housing.

Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert and co-author of "Home Buying For Dummies," suggests you retreat to a quiet place, shut off your devices and discuss your priorities in a focused way.

Would you rather have a fourth bedroom or an oversized family room? Is it more important that you get a two-car garage or a big yard? It's a good idea to grapple with these questions before you waste a lot of time checking out random properties.

-- Give your real estate agent genuine feedback.

Tyson says some buyers are so fearful of hurting their agent's feelings that they avoid sharing their negative reactions to the properties the agent shows them.

But to avoid veering off track in the home selection process, your agent needs to hear any negative reactions you have to the properties you see.

"The only way that your agent can be fully responsive to you as purchasers is to get honest feedback. Agents need to hear your real thoughts. They're not mind readers," Tyson says.

-- Give a trusted agent some latitude to pre-screen properties for you.

Although you want your agent to be guided by your preferences, it's also wise to allow the agent some leeway to occasionally add in a "wild card." This is a home that your agent thinks you might like, even though it doesn't meet all your search criteria.

Agents who are in sync with their clients' reactions can sometimes guess when they'll cotton to a particular property -- even one that doesn't sound right on paper.

"I'm not surprised anymore when people buy a place that bears little resemblance to what they first said they wanted. They didn't lie. They just changed their minds," Courtney says.

-- Let go of an agent who is oblivious to your reactions.

Realtors generally pick up quickly on "buying signals," indications that prospects are seriously interested in a property they're shown. Beyond facial expressions and other body language, couples who like a home soon start talking about where they'd place their furniture or how they'd use particular rooms.

But in rare instances, real estate agents repeatedly fail to pick up on either the implicit or explicit messages conveyed by their clients. If that's the case with your present agent, Tyson suggests you consider hiring a different one.

"If your agent isn't tuned in to your wants and needs -- and keeps showing you the wrong properties -- you'll do well to find a replacement who's more attuned to your wants and needs," Tyson says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

Sid Davis, who's been selling real estate since 1984, rarely encounters home-buying partners who both want the exact same type of house.

"It doesn't matter if they're long married or just living together, more than 80 percent of people will have a different conception of the ideal size, style and features of the perfect place to buy," says Davis, author of "The Survival Guide For Buying a Home" and other books on real estate.

Why so many disputes? Davis theorizes that many buyers develop their housing preferences early in life. And the odds of those preferences being in perfect alignment are low.

He says one reliable way for couples to identify what each partner likes most and then to synthesize those expectations is to first look at a mix of properties in more than one target neighborhood.

"Realistically, many people don't know what they want until they see it in person. First-time buyers have a particularly tough time figuring out what they want," he says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Get to the core issues that have influenced your spending patterns.

Many couples approach marriage with more focus on the wedding than their fundamental attitudes toward money and other basic values.

"Money is a kind of taboo. Because it's not romantic, people are often afraid to bring up the subject before they get married, or even after, for fear of upsetting the apple cart," says Eric Tyson, author of "Mind Over Money: Your Path to Wealth and Happiness," a book about money and emotions.

Before a solid housing compromise can be reached, a couple, whether married or simply living together, needs to unearth their underlying beliefs about money, says Tyson, whose book offers paper-and-pencil exercises to help people explore their unspoken values on financial topics.

"Go away for an hour or two to a quiet place ... and talk things over. Do this before you get absorbed in the particulars of a given property that one of you two really wants to buy," he says.

-- Try to agree on the right neighborhood before focusing on specific houses.

A couple's discussion about money gives them a broad framework that serves as a solid basis for their home-buying choice. Early on, you should decide whether you'd both feel at ease maxing out your mortgage eligibility. After that, it's time to pick one or more neighborhoods that suit both of you, says Tom Early, who twice served as president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

Early advises that neighborhood choices should be made systematically. Ideally, both partners will itemize and rank their priorities in terms of the selection of a community and then compile a unified list.

"After you've established one or two neighborhoods that work for both of you, you can focus intensely on a few properties that appeal to you," Early says.

-- Use "I don't like" lists to help in your housing selection process.

Years of experience as the owner of an independent realty company have taught Early how to help clients develop criteria for screening property. In doing so, he discovered a powerful tool: the "I don't want" list.

The idea is for each partner to indicate the elements of their current property that he or she doesn't like. "Reverse the elements you hate now and you'll easily see what's truly important to you. This could set the stage for compromise," Early says.

-- Request that your agent intervene if the two of you are deadlocked.

As Tyson notes, a couple can be happily married and yet have major differences in architectural tastes.

In cases where the gulf in tastes runs wide, Tyson says it's sometimes wise for a third party to step in to help bridge the gulf. This could be the real estate agent you've chosen to represent you as buyers.

"Sometimes it helps if the agent enters the discussion as a referee who encourages compromise," Tyson says.

-- Leave your children at home when searching for the right home.

Suppose one homebuyer in a couple wants a sparkling new house on a small lot with state-of-the-art electronics while the other aspires to ownership of a charming older home with high ceilings and built-in cabinetry. In a case like that, some buyers draw their children into the discussion to help settle the matter.

But Tyson urges buyers to avoid soliciting the opinions of their kids -- at least until the final stage of their housing search.

"Your children shouldn't be the primary deciders. You know your tastes and have vastly more knowledge of your money situation than they do. Also, you have more at stake because you'll probably live in the house longer than your kids will," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A financial planner in his late 50s had long yearned to leave chilly suburban Connecticut for San Diego, where he could golf and boat year-round. So without closing his business, he bought a house in the new area and took his clients with him, by Skype.

As this true story illustrates, technology has made it all the more possible for people to relocate without changing jobs. Those making such a major housing move aren't just the self-employed. An increasing number of people working for a large organization can now telecommute from a distant location.

"Working remotely is more and more common," says Jim Weinstein, a life coach in Washington, D.C.

But life coaches emphasize the importance of factoring in financial considerations, including housing costs, before making a major move.

"Many millennials -- now in their 20s and 30s -- are saddled with student debt. That limits their chances of moving to a more expensive part of the country," says Ashley Stahl, a coach based in both Los Angeles and New York.

Sheree Bykofsky, a literary agent and co-author of a life-planning book called "Me: Five Years from Now," urges those planning a major geographical move to take a methodical approach.

"The key is to decide just exactly what's right for you. You really want to make sure you come home to a place you love," she says.

Here are a few other pointers for those seeking a happier living situation they can afford:

-- Shape your housing choices in the context of a larger life plan.

Inevitably, making a lifestyle change involves personal trade-offs. As Bykofsky notes, such choices are highly personal and best made after a period of planning and reflection.

"You have to ask yourself questions, focusing on your needs and desires and figuring out which ones are strongest," she says.

Beyond the pencil-and-paper exercises found in life planning books, Bykofsky recommends you use visualization techniques to picture how your ideal future would look. In doing so, she says you should take into account not only your housing preferences and finances, but also whether your social life would thrive in the next location.

"It's not just about the money," says Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert who also advocates taking a holistic approach.

Though financial planners can help, Tyson says many tend to overlook non-financial variables when advising clients on housing choices.

"Suppose you're torn between spending your discretionary funds on a lot of foreign travel versus having a big house payment in the new setting. Deciding between these two is not really a financial decision," says Tyson, author of "Mind Over Money: Your Path to Wealth and Happiness."

-- Factor retirement savings into your planning.

Before you upgrade your housing, Tyson urges you to review your preparations for retirement, especially if you're a Baby Boomer and don't want to live solely on Social Security after you retire.

To gauge how well prepared you are for retirement, he suggests you use the free online planning calculators provided by such mutual funds as Vanguard and T. Rowe Price.

-- Take into account the expenses associated with owning a bigger property.

Suppose your housing dream involves a much larger place, complete with elaborate landscaping. If a financial analysis shows you can afford it, should you go ahead on that basis alone?

Not without considering the effect that owning a much larger property might have on your time, Tyson says.

"Time is precious. Maintaining a really big home can be draining, both emotionally and physically," he says.

Tyson, co-author of "Home Buying For Dummies," suggests people carefully review their personal priorities before taking on ownership of a property that will suck up their time.

"You may want to rethink your dream if it involves a high-maintenance home that means you'll have much less time to spend with friends and family. People can be house-poor in time as well as in money," he says.

-- Consider moving to a lower-cost area if your goal is to live large.

As Tyson says, many who are already retired are in a strong position to upgrade by taking advantage of the wide disparity in housing costs within the United States and around the world.

"Contrary to popular belief, not all boomers want to downsize and simplify when they retire. Some are still holding out hope for that castle. Now that your kids are through college and your career is behind you, it could be possible to fulfill your big-house fantasy without breaking the bank -- assuming you make a long-distance move," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)