In the aftermath of the recession, many more young adults have found employment. But even for those working, the economy remains challenging. That's because wage gains have lagged, student loan debts are formidable and the cost of renting an apartment has risen dramatically.

All this means that many young adults are moving back into the family homes where they were raised. This can complicate things for their parents.

Take the true story of a 25-year-old graphic designer from Virginia who couldn't make ends meet on the job she snagged in Washington, D.C. So she quit and called her parents to say she was moving back home, causing them to cancel their plans to downsize to a smaller residence.

Christina Newberry, author of "The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home," says an estimated 25 million adult children are now living with their parents.

"(H)aving adult children return home can put a ton of stress on everyone involved," says Newberry, who twice moved back to her parents' place, once at age 21 due to a career transition and again at age 29, after a divorce.

Do you have one or more adult children whose wishes could derail your housing plans? If so, these pointers could prove useful:

-- Solidify your plans before telling your offspring.

Kathleen Shaputis, author of "The Crowded Nest Syndrome," says that whatever their wants or needs, the parents of grown children should put their own preferences ahead of their kids' wishes. (This assumes their offspring are in good health and have the capacity to earn money on their own, if only after a brief boomerang period.)

"Don't give your kids veto power over your choices. And make sure your plans are firm before you announce them to your kids. Otherwise, they could sense your ambivalence and try to pressure you," she says.

Still, Shaputis says it's unwise to make a major real estate move, such as selling a longtime family residence, without first informing your adult children.

"Otherwise, your plans could come as a rude shock that might cause needless conflict within the family," she says.

Shaputis says it's ideal to choose a restaurant or another public venue to break such news to your children.

"It's usually easier to handle an outburst if it happens in a public place," she says.

-- Try to assist your grown children to transition emotionally.

Even if your kids have already reached their 20s or 30s and are living independently, one of them could find the sale of your family home especially hard emotionally.

"Some kids are very tradition-oriented. For instance, they could be very upset that Thanksgiving dinner will no longer be held in the same place as it always was," Shaputis says.

While you don't want to forfeit your overall housing plans to shield your grown children from disappointment, she says you can help them make a smoother transition with reassurances that they're welcome to visit no matter where you live.

-- Help guide your kids to a place of their own.

Do you have grown children living with you who will need to move when your home is sold? If so, Shaputis says you can help soften this transition by assisting them to identify ways to live independently.

"Brainstorm with them about how they could make it on their own. Maybe they could use some help finding an apartment and a roommate to share the rent. Or maybe they need suggestions for finding a second job that lets them become more self-sufficient," she says.

Of course, the financial realities of the current economy may require both parents and their grown children to make some temporary accommodations.

"The reality is that sometimes everyone in the family has to pull together to make ends meet. Extended-living arrangements have been going on since the dawn of civilization," she says.

-- Remember that good parenting isn't always about yielding to the kids.

Alyson Schafer, a psychotherapist and author of several parenting books, says there's no reason parents should feel guilty for asserting their right to make their own housing choices, especially after their kids have reached maturity.

"If it's necessary to downsize, remember what's ultimately important is that your kids know you'll always love them and will be happy to see them -- even if you have to move to a tiny apartment," Schafer says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A home-buying couple in their 50s had a heated dispute about whether to buy a one- or two-level house.

"There was a lot of drama for these two. The husband wanted a grand, opulent two-story mansion ... But his wife wanted the ease and convenience of a less showy one-level house," says William Wegener, the real estate broker who assisted the couple.

In the end, the woman's preferences prevailed.

Wegener says that disputes about whether to buy a horizontal or vertical house like the one above are hardly infrequent.

Sandy Jurich, another veteran broker who works solely with home purchasers, tells of a couple with whom she worked who never reached agreement about whether to buy a vertical or horizontal house.

"Finally they just threw in the towel and divorced," says Jurich, who's affiliated with the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (www.naeba.org).

Mark Nash, a longtime real estate broker and author of "1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home," says homebuyers who have mixed feelings about housing styles should make sure they visit at least two horizontal properties and two vertical ones.

"Picking one over the other can be a huge decision with significant implications for how you live," Nash says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Try to project your future housing needs.

Whether you're 25 or 65, it can be tough to plan for your future housing needs. But attempting to look ahead is worth the effort, Nash says.

He encourages homebuyers to plan ahead at least three to five years.

"People nearing retirement have a lot to consider when choosing a house. At this age, problems with health or mobility can surface at any time," Nash says.

On the other end of the spectrum, Nash says couples with young children should think ahead to when their kids will be pre-teens or teenagers. Those for whom affordability is a major issue may wish to choose a two-story house with extra bedroom space for the changing needs of their offspring.

-- Factor in the investment potential for ownership of a one-level house.

Now that the oldest boomers are well into their Medicare years, Nash says demand is increasing for single-floor living among pre-retirees and retirees. The result: ownership of one-level homes should prove a good investment over time, so long as they're located in popular neighborhoods.

"No doubt the market for ranch houses will intensify in the future. Buying a one-story house in an area where they're in short supply should be an especially good deal," Nash says.

But he notes that some retired homebuyers prefer to buy a multi-level house where their grown children and grandchildren can be comfortably accommodated during overnight stays or vacations.

-- Think through the advantages of a second-floor "hideaway."

Perhaps you already work from home or expect to start doing so in the next few years. If so, Nash recommends you consider the advantages of a second-story office where you can concentrate with few interruptions. For similar reasons, many homeowners enjoy a tucked-away upstairs room where they can pursue a hobby.

"It feels good to have a space where you can leave your projects all spread out without anyone bothering you," he says.

Another less-than-obvious advantage of an upper-level retreat: you're further from the temptations posed by the high-calorie snacks that call out to you from the kitchen.

-- Avoid any property that requires you to build an addition.

What if you're over 50 and starting to suffer from osteoarthritis in your knees and hips, yet still wish to purchase a traditional two-story place? Should you consider buying a vertical property with the intention of building on a first-floor master suite later?

That's usually a poor idea, according to Nash.

"Getting an addition done will likely be more costly than you imagine and take six months or longer to complete," he says.

Of course, one-level houses aren't to be found in every community. However, if you're sure a one-story house is your best choice, Nash suggests you look at comparable neighborhoods to the one you've targeted to locate a property that's "turnkey ready." Or find a two-story place that already has a first-floor suite built in -- an increasingly common feature in newly constructed houses.

"But always remember that location should be the top element on your selection list," Nash says.

-- Differentiate between your lifestyle and that of your parents.

Maybe you were raised in a family that always lived in two-story colonials. Though you're emotionally geared toward buying this type of home, you intellectually realize that the simplicity of one-level living is better suited to your busy lifestyle.

If that's so, Nash recommends you step outside your comfort zone and envision a different picture of your ideal lifestyle.

"We all have to break from our family traditions at some point. The good life isn't about replicating your parents' choices. It's about embracing what brings happiness to you and your loved ones," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

Selling a house can be tough. It can be even tougher if you're forced to sell your house for financial reasons, and don't have much money to make pre-sale fixes or upgrades.

Ashley Richardson, an agent affiliated with the Council of Residential Specialists, tells the true story of one client, a 53-year-old single mother of a grown son who had to sell her small cottage in a neighborhood with much fancier homes. Given her modest salary, the woman, a floral designer, needed the proceeds for her retirement account.

But while the house was being shown to prospects, the floral designer, who lacked funds for home improvement, was so hurt by buyers' critiques that she almost took the place off the market. For example, they complained about her outdated kitchen decor and the rundown condition of her swimming pool.

This points to a common problem confronted by many sellers -- whether female or male, single or married -- who must sell against their will. Their intense emotional responses have the potential to torpedo a sale.

"Selling a house can be an emotional roller coaster. But you have to manage those feelings and face facts or you'll only end up hurting yourself," says Sid Davis, a real estate broker and author of "A Survival Guide to Selling a Home."

Here are a few pointers for sellers:

-- Seek out a sympathetic listing agent.

Ronald Phipps, a real estate broker and past president of the National Association of Realtors, says that for home sellers, "feeling frustrated and angry is very common." However, he says it's better to acknowledge your reactions than to deny they exist.

By choosing a listing agent with a compassionate side, you're more likely to find a healthy acknowledgement of your feelings, which can help you move forward.

-- Rely on objective opinions on your home's value.

As they approach a sale, many homeowners start collecting advice from friends and neighbors. But as Phipps says, these opinions are often based on unreliable reports and erroneous information.

"Anecdotal information can be very, very dangerous. Especially when you're feeling emotional about selling, you need accurate information to make sound decisions," he says.

He also recommends that home sellers avoid "automated evaluations" of a property's worth to reach conclusions on how to price. Such valuations typically come from Internet sources, including Zillow. Though such information can be helpful as a general guide, it's hardly the perfect tool for deciding how much to ask.

Before choosing a listing agent, Phipps urges sellers to contact at least two, preferably three, experienced agents who have an established track record selling homes in their immediate neighborhood. Ask each to provide a recommendation on your list price, known as a "comparative market analysis," and to present factual data on recent market sales to back this up.

With facts and the views of veteran agents in your area, Phipps says, you stand a better chance of resisting the kind of emotional thinking that could cause you to overprice your property, which can badly hurt your sale.

-- Avoid taking your listing agent's suggestions for changes personally.

Phipps has the interior walls of his home painted in vivid colors: eggplant, roasted tomato and broccoli. But if he were to put his property on the market, he'd immediately repaint his walls in neutral colors.

"By calming your decorating, you'll appeal to many more buyers," he says.

A strong real estate agent will be candid with you about all the changes needed to maximize your sale. Unfortunately, many involuntary sellers may take their agent's comments as insulting, Phipps says.

He urges sellers to take a serious look at the checklist given them by their listing agent and to follow as many of the suggestions as they can afford, including any repair needed to make the home fully functional.

-- Keep an open mind on low offers.

Davis says that unless you've got multiple stronger offers in hand, it's usually a mistake to reject a bid that comes in somewhat low.

"Frankly, many sellers expect you to counter their bid and nowadays will often pay more if you do. So unless a bid is ridiculous, I'd try to work with it," Davis says.

He says it was an emotional reaction that led him to rebuff three low bids on a ranch-style house that he attempted to sell some years back.

"Before I found an agent who could talk sense into me, I rejected some fairly decent offers by writing "NO" in big bold letters across the contracts. That was a mistake. Probably, I could have brought up at least one or two of them if I'd kept on negotiating," Davis says.

People who must sell against their will sometimes view buyers very unfavorably. But Davis tells sellers to remember that buyers have their own angst about how much to offer in an always-changing real estate market.

Those on both sides of the table are nervous.

"Even with guidance from an expert listing agent, sellers can be confused about how to respond to an offer that comes in low. And vulnerable sellers, including single moms selling involuntarily, can be especially insulted by a lowball offer," Davis says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)