Before selecting a home to buy, many people spend hours wrestling with less-than-perfect alternatives. Their struggle focuses on finding a house with all the features they want without exceeding their budget.

"For a lot of people, the choice is between a house with more space ...in a suburban setting versus one closer to a city and their workplace," says Ashley Richardson, a long-time real estate agent.

The conflicts are especially intense for buyers with school-age children who think that suburban schools are better than urban ones.

"Almost all buyers shop first by school district, even if they don't have kids. That's because they know good schools lead to stronger property values," says Richardson, who's affiliated with the Council of Residential Specialists (crs.com).

But what about the trade-offs for those who opt for a suburban home? Lengthy commutes can be expensive, stressful and time-consuming. Are a larger house and a better school worth that time and unpleasantness?

Tom Early, a real estate broker who's spent most of his career working solely with homebuyers, estimates that just 15 to 20 percent of older buyers will accept a smaller, dated house to gain closer access to their workplace. But he says younger buyers are increasingly city-focused and have a low tolerance for long commutes.

"Though most of these young folks grew up in the suburbs, they consider suburban living really boring and desolate," says Early, a former president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

Fred Meyer, a veteran real estate broker who sells property near Harvard University, says there's no one right answer for homebuyers who face incompatible priorities.

"Where you live is a very personal matter. So don't worry about what other people think of your priorities," Meyer says.

Here are a few other pointers for buyers:

-- Try out a potential commute before you commit.

Alan Pisarski, author of the "Commuting in America" book series, has done extensive work documenting the time Americans spend on the road. His research reveals that average commuting times have increased every year since 2004.

In high-cost areas especially, more people now face what Pisarski terms an "extreme commute," which means it's both lengthy and grueling. They do this because they can't afford the large home they want closer to work.

"I call this 'driving to qualify,'" he says.

Pisarski urges those considering a move to a far-flung suburb to do a test drive of the prospective commute during the rush-hour periods. They'll get a false picture if they try the drive on Saturday or a Sunday.

-- Notice the major difference in floor plans between old and new.

As Early points out, many houses built during the big construction surge following World War II are laid out very differently than those built in recent decades.

The differences are most evident in the core of the house. Though many newer homes have a tiny living room -- or none at all -- they often feature an oversized "great room," which involves a spacious and well-equipped kitchen that flows directly into a big family room. Most people aren't really comfortable with the kind of small or narrow kitchens found in older houses, he says.

Unlike Early, who relies on his microwave and rarely cooks, many homebuyers refuse to give up a showplace kitchen.

-- Seek the services of a highly qualified home inspector.

Early says that those considering the purchase of an older property in a close-in neighborhood should be especially careful when selecting a home inspector.

"You have to face the reality that older houses are more likely to have serious defects in terms of their plumbing, electrical and structural systems," he says.

Early suggests you look beyond the names of inspectors provided to you by your real estate agent. One source of referrals that he recommends is the American Society of Home Inspectors (homeinspector.org).

"Create a short list of inspectors and then be conscientious about calling and asking for references from past clients," he says.

-- Take account of the full costs of a "teardown" project.

Buyers who have a tough time deciding between an old house in a close-in community and a roomier one in an outlying suburb often ponder a third option: building a new home in an established part of town.

But given that empty lots are typically rare and costly in desirable neighborhoods, this plan usually means they must tear down a home to get the lot they need for their new house. Teardowns are occurring with increasing frequency in many areas where land values are high.

If you're sufficiently well off to do a teardown, this plan could give you the best of both worlds: a new house with direct city access.

But Early warns that a teardown can prove far more expensive than many people anticipate. Not only must you pay for the original house and lot, but you also have to cover the cost to build the new property. In addition, unexpected expenses often surface before the project is over.

"The hidden costs for a teardown can rob you blind," Early says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

Less than a year ago, an IT specialist and his schoolteacher wife got the itch for a beautiful new kitchen, one they could show off to neighbors on their suburban cul-de-sac. Impulsively, they selected Brazilian hardwood cabinets, along with high-end quartz countertops, and soon they'd run a $40,000 tab.

The couple loved the new kitchen. But their plans to keep the house changed suddenly when they found a better property in a bucolic setting with more space for their kids. With just four months to move, they called their real estate broker, Sid Davis, to say they needed to sell the suburban place quickly.

He took the listing, but gave them bad news on pricing: they could expect to recoup no more than half their kitchen investment when the house sold. That's because they'd raised their kitchen above the standards of their moderate-income neighborhood.

This true story illustrates the risks of "over-improving" any home above neighborhood norms, says Davis, the author of "A Survival Guide to Selling a Home."

Mark Nash, a long-time real estate broker and author of "1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home," cautions all homeowners to proceed cautiously before committing to costly upgrades.

That's not to say that upgrades shouldn't be made at all, Nash cautions.

A dated kitchen is a "gigantic turnoff," says Nash, noting that it's critical for sellers to at least replace odd-colored appliances, metal cabinets and scratched countertops. Also, he strongly recommends replacing beat-up kitchen flooring.

"Sellers should also consider replacing old, drafty windows. That's because the current generation of buyers is highly attuned to the energy savings and comfort that comes from new windows," he says.

Here are a few tips for sellers:

-- Look to local real estate pros for advice before you renovate.

Even if you have no intention of selling immediately, Nash recommends against signing any home improvement contract until you've asked for the advice of someone who has sold real estate in your neighborhood for at least five years. That person should be able to tell you how much of a project's cost you can expect to recoup.

Those who are unsure how long they'll stay in a home are often hesitant to ask a real estate agent for advice until their selling plans are solid. But Nash says a reputable agent should be happy to help, even if you have no idea when you'll sell.

"Another plus is that good agents from your local market should be in touch with contractors. They know folks who can handle any work you decide to do smoothly and expeditiously," Nash says.

-- Keep an eye on neighborhood standards.

Tom Early, a real estate broker who was twice president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (www.naeba.org), says current home purchasers are especially resistant to paying for renovation work that raises a property above local norms.

What sorts of upgrades constitute "over-improvement"? For example, Early says you wouldn't be justified to install expensive antique light fixtures in a neighborhood of starter homes. Likewise, you couldn't recoup the full cost of building a three-car garage in a community where most homes have no garage at all.

-- Slow down the renovation process to avoid over-doing it.

As many homeowners realize too late, a thoughtlessly done pre-sale renovation can hit the wallet hard.

For instance, Davis says the IT specialist and his schoolteacher wife, who'd originally planned to opt for moderately priced Corian countertops, slipped into the quartz upgrades without planning to. The same was true about their choice of Brazilian hardwood cabinets.

"It's easy to spend a fortune on household renovations. And you're most at risk of over-spending when you rush into renovations," Davis says.

-- Cut your losses on projects that prove too extensive.

It didn't dawn on Davis' clients that they were spending too much on kitchen upgrades until their $40,000 project was underway. But Davis says they should have paused things once they'd realized they were spending too much.

If you think you're going over the top, he recommends you contact all your contractors to negotiate your way out of expensive upgrades. For example, you might decide to cancel top-brand bathroom and kitchen fixtures in favor of something more generic.

"Average buyers don't care if they get super fixtures or appliances in any given room. It's the overall house that they're looking for -- not perfection in every room," Davis says.

"Even if you're compelled to pay penalties to back out of some work, you could ultimately save money by dropping the most costly elements of your renovation plan," Davis says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

In many parts of the country, home sales are rising, the supply of available properties is shrinking and the market is again tilting toward sellers. That's a source of frustration for aspiring homeowners who are tight on cash.

"Cash is king when it comes to home-buying, and that's always been so," says Mary Kuehn, a long-time real estate agent affiliated with the Council of Residential Specialists (www.crs.com).

Before she'll take any buyers on a property shopping tour, Kuehn insists they first see a mortgage lender to assess their readiness to make a purchase. This is what's known as the mortgage "pre-approval" process. Often, first-time buyers emerge from such a meeting with the realization that they lack sufficient savings for a down payment and closing costs, not to mention moving expenses.

Making an all-cash offer -- the ultimate competitive bid -- is beyond the reach of most first-time buyers. But saving for a down payment and related costs is possible for many who have steady jobs and a systematic approach to savings.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Evaluate your attitudes about spending.

Financial planners say there are many parallels between the struggles of dieters trying to cut calories and the struggles of savers. In both cases, emotional impediments are often to blame for lapses.

Shawn Koch, a planner affiliated with the Garrett Planning Network (www.garrettplanningnetwork.com) says many home-buying aspirants "come to financial planners hoping for a miracle. But we're not miracle workers."

One approach to helping overcome emotional barriers to saving is by reading up on the topic. A good place to start is "Money Harmony" and other books about financial psychology that are co-authored by Olivia Mellan and Sherry Christie.

"The reality is that most people have to get into 'hunker down' mode before they can become serious savers, and that means an adjustment in attitudes," Koch says.

-- Begin with an inventory of your current financial situation.

A major impediment to saving is uncontrolled everyday spending. But before you can decide how to reallocate your funds, Koch says you need to review where all your money has gone for at least one to three months. This can be done either with pen and paper or with such online personal finance tools as Mint (www.mint.com) or Quicken (www.quicken.com).

An exhaustive review can bring surprises. For example, Koch says many of her clients are shocked to see how much they're spending on restaurant meals, coffee breaks and takeout food.

"Over time, those small sums really add up," she says.

Doing an inventory of spending is laborious because you must sift through both credit card and checking account statements. And for cash expenditures, you'll probably need to make estimates, a taxing exercise. But although the entire process can take the better part of a weekend, Koch says it's an essential element in your search for potential areas of savings.

-- Create a spending plan that lets you save for your home-buying goal.

Because cost-of-living increases continue to outpace income gains, it's tough to trim expenses. Still, Koch urges savers to examine their largest outlays, including regular spending on food.

"My clients know that restaurant meals are expensive. But grocery store food can also add up fast," says Koch, who recommends that clients buy fewer processed foods, do more home cooking, monitor food waste closely and consider taking bag lunches to work.

Commuting costs also put a big dent in many budgets. So Koch advises savers to challenge long-held assumptions about car ownership. For instance, she recommends they ask themselves if they could get by with public transportation, if only until their savings goal has been met.

"To meet your home-buying objective, you may need to cut out a car," she says.

Those willing to surrender ownership of a car might wish to join one of the car-sharing services now available in an increasing number of U.S. towns and cities. Such companies -- which include Zipcar, Enterprise CarShare and Car2Go -- allow members to reserve a vehicle from their smartphone. They're designed to serve those who need only occasional use of a vehicle, which is often sufficient for people who rely primarily on public transportation.

Koch also recommends that savers examine cellphone bills.

"Phone charges are one of the fastest-growing items in the budgets of many young people. And many people think they need the newest phone upgrade as soon as it comes out," Koch says.

For those who could use some guidance in this process, Koch recommends the latest edition of "The Budget Kit: The Common Cents Money Management Workbook" by Judy Lawrence.

-- Enroll in an automatic savings plan.

Are you one of the millions of Americans who live paycheck to paycheck? If so, you might think it's impossible to get by if a chunk of money is taken out every time you get paid.

But financial planners say automatic withdrawals are the answer for many who aren't methodical savers. And surprisingly, they say those who have direct debits taken from their pay rarely miss the money. Meanwhile, their savings accounts grow quickly.

"The idea of an automatic savings plan is that the money rolls in without any proactive steps on your part. That's a huge advantage for anyone trying to save for a house," Koch says.

EDITOR'S NOTE: In last week's column, the website of real-estate author and blogger Michael Connerly was incorrect. It is www.usahomebuyerguide.com. We regret the error.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)