"The devil made me do it" was perhaps the most famous catch phrase of comedian Flip Wilson. And it was among the numerous excuses one potential borrower gave his lender to explain his lousy credit report.

The 10-page letter of explanation ranged from hurting his back while he was in the military to having gout to having a poor relationship with his daughter because his father had multiple children with multiple women.

But perhaps his best absolution was this: "I was married to the devil. I should have known that, because my marriage license number was 666."

This kind of creative rationale might have worked during the mortgage market heyday a decade ago, when you could secure financing if you could draw a breath. Nowadays, though, underwriters don't want excuses. Heck, things are so tight they might not even give you a chance to explain away a blip in your credit record.

But that doesn't stop people from trying, as educator Karen Deis found out recently when she asked her mortgage market clients to report some of the strangest letters of explanation they've received from borrowers.

Deis, who operates MortgageCurrency.com, a website that keeps loan officers, processors and underwriters abreast of changes in lending guidelines and rules, has been on the receiving end of a couple of doozies.

In one that made her chuckle, the man explained that he had to file for bankruptcy when a restaurant venture with his daughter failed. He bought the place with his daughter, he explained, so she could help him and teach him how to run it when he retired.

Besides the fact that you can't explain away such a financial failure, there was this little kicker: The daughter was a mere 9 years old.

And then there was the woman who told Deis that her credit record was perfect. It just had to be, she explained, because she paid all her bills through collection agencies -- and she always paid on time.

Here are some of the best -- or should I say worst -- of the suspect excuses Deis has managed to collect:

-- The borrower, a woman who had had a sex change operation, said her bad debts didn't count because they were incurred when she was a man.

-- Another woman wrote that she was overextended because she had to pay for her cat's chemotherapy treatments.

-- Another reasoned that since she had filed for bankruptcy in January and this was March, she was starting over with a clean slate. So what was the problem?

-- Similarly, a man who was repeatedly more than 90 days late on his bills wondered why such a record was questionable. "I simply choose to make quarterly payments," he explained.

-- A woman said a medical condition caused her to have multiple late pays on her credit record. She went on to explain that she experienced anxiety attacks when she opened her mail, so on the advice of her physician, she didn't pay any bills that were snail-mailed to her.

Besides, she added, that was years ago and she now pays her bills online.

-- Another borrower also used a medical malady as his excuse for his spotty bill-paying record. This time, it was that he had been diagnosed as having multiple personalities, and one of these other characters was responsible for paying all the bills.

-- Said one guy who has late on his gasoline credit card: "I got a load of bad gas."

-- Likewise, there was this explanation from someone who was late on his car loan: It was a bad car, so he took it back to the dealer.

-- Another disgruntled car buyer said he, too, returned a lemon to the dealer. As an explanation, he offered that the salesman made him buy the car, that the dealer discriminated against him and that the monthly payment was too high.

Interestingly, the same borrower had had three previous cars repossessed over a three-year period.

-- Why did one borrower run up the balances on her credit cards, to the point where she could not make the payments? Because she was "guaranteed" to win the lottery, of course.

In little-noticed proceedings earlier this year, 11 people pleaded guilty in a federal court in northern Virginia to a scam that fleeced banks out of millions of dollars.

According to the charging documents, the defendants were involved in overlapping conspiracies in which they would systematically alter the terms of real estate closings so lenders would send more money than they actually needed to. The thieves would then pocket the difference.

The case shines some light on perhaps the shadiest side of mortgage fraud. Shady because very few people know about it, and of those who do, few are willing to talk about it.

Settlement fraud, aka escrow or closing fraud, doesn't occur very often, says Steve Gottheim of the American Land Title Association, the trade group for people who review and insure titles and handle the lion's share of real estate closings.

"It's extremely rare," Gottheim says. "Less than one half of 1 percent of all real estate transactions involve any type of fraud." But it does happen, he concedes.

Andrew Liput of Secure Settlements, a company that vets otherwise unsupervised closing professionals on behalf of lenders (who deliver billions into the hands of closing agents with little or no protection against fraud), estimates that 15 percent of the $4 billion lost by lenders to mortgage fraud last year -- some $600 million – occurred at the closing table.

We're not talking about illegal or even questionable flipping arrangements, or even straw buyers. Those schemes are counted elsewhere. Rather, we're talking about nickel-and-dime cases where the closing sheet you sign and the one sent to the lender are different, and the closing agent keeps the difference.

Maybe they change the amount of a single line-item closing cost, or perhaps two or three. You might pay $10 more here than you should have, or $25 more there. Or maybe the sales price you actually paid is lower than the amount the lender is asked to fund. Thieves can do wonders with Wite-Out.

Often, the difference is pocket change compared to the hundreds of thousands of dollars involved in the overall transaction. But alter enough settlement documents and pretty soon you're talking serious money.

Last year, for example, a South Florida closing agent was charged with falsifying HUD-1 settlement statements in 32 separate closings and stealing more than $3 million.

Big money is also lost when the closing agent fails to pay off a seller's lien and takes off with the money. The seller receives his due -- the difference between the selling price and the mortgage or mortgages he had on the property -- but the old lender gets nothing. And until that loan is actually paid off, the new lender -- your lender -- doesn't have a first position mortgage.

An already disbarred Massachusetts lawyer was sentenced last year to 51 months in prison for failing to pay off existing liens and diverting more than $3 million into his own accounts. And Liput has "seen several cases" in the last six months in which nefarious title agents doctor their reports so the prior liens remain invisible.

Generally in cases of closing fraud, it's the lender who's on the hook. As long as you purchase owner's title insurance at settlement, or at least what's called a "closing protection letter," the lender will bear the brunt of the loss, says ALTA's Gottheim. But even if you decline to buy your own policy, he says, you'll "get some ancillary benefits from the lender's policy."

"Ninty-nine percent of the time when escrow funds are taken, the lender or the title insurance company bears the risk," Gottheim says. "And in many states, title agents buy into what's called 'crime bonds.'"

The lender's policy, which you pay for at closing, protects the lender against fraud and defects in the title. An owner's policy, which protects you and guarantees that the title insurance company will work on your behalf to correct problems, should cost about $250 when issued simultaneously with the lender's policy. The closing protection letter is sometimes free; other times, there's a small fee.

Your real headache comes when you go to sell your property, or perhaps refinance, and find out there's an existing mortgage or two on it that have never been paid off. If that happens, it could hold up your sale, perhaps delaying the deal for so long that your buyer decides to drop out and find a house elsewhere.

Here are some basic steps to take to protect yourself against this kind of "back-end" fraud:

-- Obtain your loan papers early, and then make sure the numbers line up with the documents you are given at closing.

-- Shop for a trustworthy professional. Don't be steered. Call your state regulator to make sure the agent's license is current, and ask if there have been any complaints lodged against him. But even then, be careful. Liput says "nearly all the bad actors" his firm has unearthed were licensed, and were members of a trade association.

-- Ask for a color ID, and look for some kind of seal on the door or stationary that shows the agent has been vetted by an independent third party. In many instances, charlatans set up bogus companies that don't really exist. They just hang out a shingle and start doing business. Then, before you know it, they split, only to set up shop under another name somewhere else.

-- When interviewing closing agents, ask how long they've been in business, if they are insured and if there have been any claims against them. You'll also want to know if they've ever been sued or lost their licenses. All of this is public information and can be discovered with what Liput calls a little "basic ground-level investigation."

-- Finally, to protect yourself from being manipulated, schedule the closing a few days in advance of your move. If something smells fishy, walk away. You have every right to stop the show at any time.

-- If you feel the need, hire an attorney to represent you at the settlement table. Even if the title pro you pick is legit, he represents the lender's interests, not yours.

A new real estate franchise under the fabled Berkshire Hathaway brand marks its official launch this week.

The name Berkshire Hathaway adds some mustard to an otherwise bland real estate landscape. After all, the conglomerate is one of the world's most admired companies, according to Forbes, with Warren Buffet -- widely considered the most successful investor of the 20th century -- at its head.

But it may surprise you to know that the National Association of Realtors counts 32 national and regional franchise brands currently in operation across the land. And that does not include the handful of start-ups that seem to pop up every year and then fade away.

Another surprise, perhaps, is that only slightly more than half the nation's realty agents work under a franchise banner. The rest -- 41 percent, according to NAR's latest membership profile -- choose to remain independent.

At the same time, 84 percent of all real estate firms are independent, NAR reports. The rest are franchises or subsidiaries of national or regional firms. The reason: Most realty firms are one- or two-office shops with only a handful of agents, whereas the franchises are larger offices with bunches more agents.

There are good reasons to join a franchise, for both the brokers whose names are on the door as well as the agents who hang their shingles on the wall.

Banners like Century 21, RE/MAX and the others give a business instant recognition. Branding is a way to define who you are, according to the experts, and allows real estate brokers to say, "We are different from the rest of the pack."

That's why many newly minted brokers who are just starting their companies decide to affiliate with a franchise. Even though it may cost thousands of dollars to join, working under the Coldwell Banker or Realty Executives label gives them an immediate identification that they would otherwise have to spend years building.

A brand like ERA or Keller Williams also gives brokers a certain edge in recruiting. New agents and industry veterans alike often decide to work under a national trademark in order to receive the training, leads and other benefits the nationals have to offer. And in real estate, unlike, say, McDonald's and numerous other franchises, brokers are free to run their businesses as they like (within certain parameters).

But even independent brokers have a brand, and their agents do, too. They communicate their lineage, trust, expertise and other qualifications through their signs, business cards and marketing materials.

At the same time, the company an agent works for doesn't seem to hold much sway with clients. According to NAR's latest profile of buyers and sellers, just 3 percent picked an agent because he or she was associated with a particular shop or franchise.

More important factors include honesty (24 percent), reputation (21 percent), friend or family member (15 percent), knowledge of the neighborhood (12 percent) and a caring personality (9 percent). Of the other less material reasons, including timely responses and accessibility, only the agent's professional designations was less important than the agent's company.

So what does Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices (BHHS) bring to the already crowded realty landscape?

The name has "a huge reputation," says Earl Lee, the industry veteran who heads HSF Affiliates, which operates the BHHS, Prudential and Real Living networks. "It promises integrity, trust and competence."

As Lee sees it, "consumers today are looking for someone they can trust. They want to know they are working with an organization that stands behind its agents. And the strength of Berkshire Hathaway's reputation of integrity and financial stability is behind everything we do."

The company doesn't expect to be the largest, but it does expect to be the best, says Lee, attracting the most qualified companies and agents. Certainly, it will hit the ground running.

Already more than two dozen brokerages affiliated with the Prudential Real Estate brand have agreed to transition to Berkshire Hathaway, including the three that will "go live" next week: Prudential California Realty, Prudential Connecticut Realty and Prudential Florida Realty.

Other brokerages -- including Fox & Roach Realtors, a Philadelphia-based chain with some 4,000 agents that the BHHS brand purchased in August -- will make the official switch in the coming weeks. "It's happening, and it's happening fast," said HFS spokesman Kevin Ostler.

Here are some other facts and figures about real estate franchises from NAR:

-- The oldest is Real Estate One, which began franchising in 1971. The Southfield, Mich.-based company has 74 offices under its wing with 1,622 agents.

-- The newest is United Real Estate of Kansas City, which launched this year and has seven offices and 1,025 agents.

-- Keller William is the largest in terms of agents, with some 83,000 sales associates in 662 offices. Coldwell Banker is a close second with 82,000 agents, though it has more offices, with nearly 2,300.

-- Century 21 is the largest in terms of offices, with 2,500.

-- RE/MAX agents sell the most houses, according to marketing research specialists at the MMR Strategy Group, followed by Coldwell Banker, Keller Williams, Century 21 and Prudential Real Estate.

NAR doesn't keep count anymore, but in 2009 it listed NRT, the parent of Coldwell Banker, ERA and Southeby's International, the leader in "sides" with nearly 275,000. A listing is considered one side; a sale, another. Home Services of America had nearly 124,000 sides in '09, followed by Long and Foster Real Estate with almost 70,000.