Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Surprise Pregnancy Is Awkward News

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently found out that we are expecting our second "oops" baby. We are thrilled, but I'm deeply concerned about one thing. My husband's brother and his wife are a few weeks away from completing their first round of IVF. I'm beside myself trying to think of ways to be as sensitive as possible.

My husband says that, as both of these circumstances are beyond human control, there's no need to worry, and we can reasonably expect everyone to be adult and understanding. But I understand the emotional toll taken by infertility is incredible, and I'm worried she'll feel overlooked, or, worse, if the IVF isn't successful, that she'll regard our baby as a constant reminder. Please help! -- UNEXPECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR UNEXPECTED: I applaud your appreciation of the emotional toll infertility can take on couples, which can be devastating. However, if your sister-in-law's IVF is unsuccessful and you make your grand announcement afterward, the news will be doubly painful for her. This is why I vote for telling her quietly -- before she receives the results -- so she will be prepared regardless of what they are.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Etiquette & Ethics