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by Abigail Van Buren

Comparison to Wife's Ex Leaves Man Feeling Inadequate

DEAR ABBY: I've been dealing with some emotional stress for well over a year. I've recently found out my wife's ex was much more well-endowed than I am. I understand that's not the most important thing, but it is messing with me mentally. One reason is, a long time ago when she was drunk, she asked me why it was so small. When I came across pictures of him, it all came back.

I feel like we need to talk about it, but I don't know how to start. I know she will get mad and I don't think she would tell me the truth. A lot of things go along with these feelings, which is part of why it bothers me so much. I probably need to just let it go, but it continues to haunt me. We have been married a long time and have had our share of problems. How do I get past this? Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated. -- NOT MEASURING UP IN ALABAMA

DEAR NOT MEASURING UP: What, exactly, is the "truth" you are afraid your wife will conceal if you bring this out in the open? If she thought you couldn't satisfy her needs, she wouldn't have married you. The question I would like answered is where those old photos were when you stumbled across them. Were you going through her belongings because you feel insecure about things other than your anatomy? This does need to be discussed when you are both sober, because if you remain silent, your insecurity will only grow worse. Please don't wait to do it.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Sex | Self Worth