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by Abigail Van Buren

Man Looks for Guidance as His Sexual Orientation Changes

DEAR ABBY: Please do not publish my name or city. I'm a senior male in a six-year, happy relationship with a wonderful, understanding lady. But after decades of exploration and study, I have come to accept that I am nonbinary and/or gender fluid. My sexual expression -- and orientation -- shifts back and forth over time. This is far more than simply wearing ladies' underwear or craving sex with men.

I live in an extremely conservative, mid-sized city, where there is practically no acceptance of gays or lesbians, and intersex people are unheard of. There are no knowledgeable doctors, counselors or support groups anywhere nearby. It would be so comforting to find someone like myself to share these feelings with. Is it even possible? -- UNCOMFORTABLY QUIET IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR QUIET: Have you searched online for the wealth of information on sexuality and gender identity? PFLAG, the excellent organization I have mentioned in my column before, has a chapter in your city, which has for many years provided support and information to LGBTQ individuals and their families. It will also guide you to other resources nearby. Please go to and search on your geographical area. Trust me, if you do, you'll be glad you did.

Read more in: Sex & Gender | Love & Dating