DEAR READERS: This is National Women's Health Week, so I'm offering a "gentle reminder" to make your health a priority. Eat healthy, allow time for exercise, manage your stress levels, get the sleep you need and schedule that appointment to see your doctor or dentist that you've been postponing. Take steps to eliminate behaviors that put you at risk -- smoking, texting while driving and not wearing a seatbelt. Your most precious possession is your health, so please take care of it. For more information, visit womenshealth.gov. -- Love, ABBY
Parents of Free-Loading Boy Turn Blind Eye to Son's Needs
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son has a friend who stayed with us for five months during football and basketball season because he didn't have transportation to early-morning practices. In the beginning it was one night, then it eventually became full weeks, full months and so on.
We treated him like our own, providing food, washing clothes, giving him snack money. But when I asked him to assist with basic house chores, he would laugh and find ways to not help. It would frustrate me but, not knowing him too well, I let it slide.
We have never met his parents, and neither of them reached out to express gratitude for taking care of their kid. They have three other kids, and the pattern seems to be the same -- pawn them off on other people.
Thankfully, the athletic season changed, and the boys were in different sports, so we got a break from supporting an extra person in February. My concern is, he is coming around again needing rides to school. I feel it is not my problem. This has led to some heavy discussions with my husband.
I feel the boy's parents or grandparents need to take responsibility for assuring their child makes it to practice, has extra money to purchase snacks and rides to and from school. He sees it differently. How can we let that boy fall through the cracks? Mind you, he wears name-brand clothes, glasses and shoes, yet his parents do not assist him in the most important aspects of his life.
I feel horrible because I don't think it is our job to provide for him, but I try to teach my kids empathy and responsibility. So how do I justify myself? How do I get my husband to see we can't continue to be a crutch for these people? Or am I wrong? Help! -- TRYING TO HELP IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Your "houseguest" may have name-brand clothes, glasses and shoes, but from your description, he is being severely neglected by his parents. That they would allow him to live with another family whom they haven't met is shocking. That they would expect you to foot the bill for all of his needs while they pretend they don't have a minor child for whom they are responsible is negligence.
If he resumes staying with you, insist that he stop acting like a guest and assume the same responsibilities you have assigned to your own children! Your husband should back you up on this. Understand that if the boy is unwilling to do that, the example being set for your children is a very poor one.
Frankly, I think child protective services should have been notified about what has been going on a long time ago.
Job Dissatisfaction Causes Headaches for Husband, Wife
DEAR ABBY: My husband suffers from migraines and has never been happy in any job he's had. He has tried every available treatment for his migraines, to no avail. He still has them daily. I think they may be partly psychological.
In the 10 years we've been married, he has had six different jobs. The longest one lasted three years but ended miserably. He went on sick leave because of his manager and eventually quit on bad terms.
As soon as he doesn't like a person above him or a situation, his migraines get worse and he quits. He's now talking about leaving the job he got two months ago. He sees two different therapists to deal with these and other issues.
Where do I draw the line between being a supportive wife and just wanting a stable life for our family? We have two young kids. I earn a good income and have always had stable jobs (more than five years per company). I started a new job six months ago that is very stressful, and this has been tough on me. Please give me some advice. -- MISERABLE IN MONTREAL
DEAR MISERABLE: Because the stress of your marriage is now affecting you, it's time to make an appointment with a therapist for yourself. Whether your husband's migraines are real, psychosomatic or an excuse to run from an uncomfortable situation, I can't guess. You need an expert who is closer to home to help you figure this out. Please don't wait. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who spends summers up north with my son and winters with my daughter down south. My problem is, a friend of my daughter is extremely rude and insulting to me.
"Valerie" arrives at my daughter's without being invited, walks in and either makes a disparaging remark to me ("You still here?") or walks right past me with her nose in the air. My daughter says nothing.
I have always tried to be pleasant to Valerie, but I'm tired of her rude behavior. I have excellent rapport with all of my daughter's other friends. Please advise as to how I should handle this. -- UNWELCOMED IN NEW YORK
DEAR UNWELCOMED: I agree, Valerie's behavior is disrespectful and hostile. Express this to your (silent) daughter and ask how she feels about the way her friend behaves with you, and why she's allowed to drop in with no notice. Her answer may be enlightening.
The next time the "friend" pops in and asks if you're "still here," speak up and tell her the length of your visit is none of her business and asking about it strikes you as rude. If you do, it may clear the air.
DEAR READERS: I wish a very Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give each and every day. -- LOVE, ABBY
Faraway Friend Despairs Over Woman Suffering Depression
DEAR ABBY: I have known "Charlotte" for 17 years. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and we talk and text regularly. I consider her one of my best friends.
Charlotte has had a tough couple years and has sunk into a depression. We live on opposite sides of the country, so I don't see her in person often, but I can hear the change in our phone conversations. She even admits that she's in a depression.
Recently, she told me she feels she no longer has a reason to live and has considered harming herself. Because I live so far away, I couldn't get to her so I could be there for her, but I called a mutual friend ("Sandy") who lives nearby and asked her to check on my friend. Charlotte didn't mention anything to Sandy about the way she was feeling or her thoughts of suicide and pretended like everything was OK.
I know things are not OK, and I'm extremely worried that Charlotte may hurt herself in a moment of despair. She has a therapist she sees on occasion, and I have urged Charlotte to be honest with her about her feelings. Charlotte says she will, but I'm not sure if she actually does.
How do I help her? Should I go visit her to show her she has friends who love and support her? Is there anything more I can do than encourage her to stick with counseling? -- WORRIED SICK IN INDIANA
DEAR WORRIED: If you know the name of Charlotte's therapist, you could write the person a letter about your friend confiding to you that she feels she has no reason to live anymore and has considered harming herself. Because of privacy laws, the therapist may not be able to communicate with you, but at least she will be aware. Whether Charlotte was serious or just venting, this is something her therapist would be in a better position to help with than you are from a distance.
Lifetime of Regret Follows Decision to Have an Affair
DEAR ABBY: I am almost 50 and have huge regrets about a terrible decision I made in my late 20s. I was married to my high school sweetheart when an older married man came into my life. He told me everything I wanted to hear and showered me with all the attention I was missing from my husband. I became swept up in the fairy tale fantasy and hurt my husband, my true love, deeply.
Of course, nothing the married man said was true. He never followed through on his promises. I knew the affair was wrong and it typically never works out, but I thought this was different and we'd live happily ever after.
I try not to dwell on how differently my life would have turned out if I hadn't fallen starry-eyed in puppy love for that man. I only have myself to blame. Please warn your readers to not make the same mistake. Enjoy the life you have, especially when you are young. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. It may look better, but trust me, there's a lot of hidden weeds. -- WISED UP IN GEORGIA
DEAR WISED UP: Having an affair is never a good idea. Yours taught you an important, hard-earned lesson. Thank you for wanting to share it with my readers.