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Son Keeps His Social Life Out of His Parents' View

DEAR ABBY: Our 22-year-old son stays with us. He has a part-time job and goes to school part-time. He is somewhat secretive. We don't know his friends or where he goes.

One day he brought a male friend over and they hung out in our guesthouse, drinking and playing video games. This went on for several hours and then the blinds closed. My husband wasn't comfortable with that, so he knocked on the door and went in to talk to them. He asked the friend if he had a girlfriend, and the friend said no -- that he's bisexual. Our son then announced that he is also bisexual.

We have only met one girl that he dated and the male friend who was over. The friend did say he isn't interested in our son, that they are strictly friends. I don't think my husband should have quizzed our son in front of his friend.

Our son has a chip on his shoulder and an "I don't care attitude" about many things. He blames a lot of things on his ADHD. He acts like he can't multitask or concentrate on what he's supposed to do. He tries, but if he forgets to do something, he gets an attitude from time to time. I don't know what to think. -- FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I can't help but wonder if your husband would have been as curious (and intrusive) if your son had been entertaining a woman in the guesthouse.

Your son has been honest with you about his sexual orientation. He's an adult and should be entitled to privacy regardless of the gender of his companion. He has also been honest about his limitations because of his attention deficit problem.

Unless he is breaking some rule that you and your husband have set in your home, what you should think is that your son is working, taking classes and trying his best to become independent. Perhaps if your husband is less heavy-handed with his questions, your son's attitude may improve.

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