DEAR ABBY: I married right out of high school, 20 years ago. We have two amazing kids in their late teens -- a son in college and a daughter in her last year of high school.
I haven't been in love with my wife for a very long time. I have tried everything to bring those feelings back, including talking with her about it, but the feelings just aren't there anymore.
When I first realized I was no longer in love with her, I was going to file for divorce, but my kids were little. I didn't want to put them through that, so I pushed my happiness aside. Now the kids are doing great, I'm still miserable and I don't know what to do anymore.
Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be happy, but doesn't my happiness count? Must I continue putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy, or is it time for me to look out for my happiness? -- MISERABLE IN MAINE
DEAR MISERABLE: Talk to your wife again about the fact that you haven't been happy for many years. Unless you are an Academy Award-winning actor, she probably won't be shocked. Delay separating until your daughter has left for college, and in the meantime, give marriage counseling a shot, even if you already have. If, after that, nothing has improved, try to keep the divorce as amicable as possible for the sake of everyone concerned. A divorce mediator may be able to help you through the process.