A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.
Best Friend's Loyalty May Be Shifting in Middle School Drama
DEAR ABBY: I'm in middle school. "Jill" has been my best friend for 11 years. She has always been shy, while I am outgoing. Recently, she has been hanging out with the class "ho," "Kelly," and I'm being more and more left out. Kelly is turning Jill into a slut, too. Jill isn't excited to hang with me anymore and prefers to be with Kelly's friends smoking or drinking.
Jill still calls us best friends, but I'm afraid she'll betray me and tell Kelly everything we talk about. We used to make fun of Kelly for being a slut. Now I feel like I can't open up to my best friend. It hurts to see them together and not inviting me to things. What do I do? -- TOTALLY LEFT OUT
DEAR LEFT OUT: Calling a girl a slut or a "ho" is a form of bullying. It won't bring Jill back to you or closer to you. In fact, it will likely do the opposite.
Because you feel you are no longer as close to Jill as you were, recognize that it's time to widen your circle of friends and explore activities that do not involve her or Kelly. The more friends you make, the less dependent you will be on one person.
Wife Is Flabbergasted by Husband's Refusal to Friend Her
DEAR ABBY: What does it say about a man when he won't accept a friend request on Facebook from his wife of 20 years?
He has been unfaithful in the past. He has several hundred friends on there from all over the country as he travels a lot. But he not only refuses to accept my request, he also refuses to say why.
I'm new to Facebook; he has been on for years. I don't have many friends because I've been pretty isolated, and now I want to reconnect. But if my own husband won't accept my friend request, should I even bother trying to friend anyone else? Oh, and if I friend any of my old male friends, he'll accuse me of cheating, even though that's his thing, not mine. -- NO FOLLOWERS IN THE WEST
DEAR NO FOLLOWERS: Following your husband on Facebook is the least of your problems. You already know he is secretive and has cheated on you. If you feel isolated, you have the right to reach out to anyone your heart desires, whether they're male or female.
Oh, and one more thing. If he accuses you of cheating, it may be because he has or is. Do you really need me to tell you that if you're unhappy you need to talk with a licensed therapist about it? Please consider it.
DEAR ABBY: Is it considered rude to stretch in public? -- STEPHANIE IN SALT LAKE CITY
DEAR STEPHANIE: I suppose it depends upon what someone is stretching. If it attracts attention or causes distraction, I suppose it is rude, but I wouldn't consider it a social transgression worthy of incarceration.
Man Says He Wants Divorce, But Doesn't Leave the House
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We've had our share of ups and downs, but always managed to work our way through them. Last year, he decided he no longer wanted to be married, saying the last 20 years "were not all that pleasant" and "we have never really gotten along." (As far as I know, there isn't another woman.)
My problem is, for the most part, he still acts like he wants to be married. He has made no attempt to leave, tells me his comings and goings, asks me to have dinner together, etc. However, he sleeps on the couch and there's no sex. He says he does this because he hopes we can stay friends after the divorce.
I have yet to be served with divorce papers, so I'm thinking it may be a midlife crisis. Am I misreading his signals and he'll snap out of it, or am I being strung along? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA
DEAR ANONYMOUS: You are confused because your husband is sending you mixed messages. Could he be having performance issues? Do you still love him? I ask because nowhere in your letter did you mention it. The two of you are overdue for an honest discussion about whether your marriage is salvageable. If it isn't, ask him when and if he plans to file for the divorce, because this situation has left you in limbo, which is unfair to you. Then consult an attorney to ensure you get a fair shake.
DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult who suffers from migraines, which make it difficult to have much of a social life. My family and close friends know about them and are supportive and understanding. However, I'm a private person and don't like talking about it with new people.
It's hard to make friends and go on dates when I know I might have to flake out at the last minute due to a migraine. What's a good way to gracefully bow out of plans without seeming like a flake? Or should I just tell new people about my migraines? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK
DEAR HURTING: Suffering from migraines is nothing to be ashamed of. More than 12 percent of people in the U.S. share your problem. While I don't think it's necessary to make an announcement about it when you meet someone, I do think you should tell the truth if you must cancel an engagement.
DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four children. Every Sunday, our family gets together for Sunday dinner, a tradition I have loved since I was a kid, although lately, I have grown less fond of Sundays. Here is why: I am now 30 and the tallest sibling in my family, yet I am made to feel as though I am the smallest.
No one listens to me; no one asks my advice. I could be at the table with my finger up my nose and I don't think anyone would even notice. I say things and no one acknowledges me. Sometimes I feel as though I don't even exist. It's as if because I'm the youngest, I have no importance. What can I do to change this? -- PATIENCE RUNNING THIN
DEAR PATIENCE: Allow me to suggest that at the next Sunday dinner you speak up loud and clear and say exactly that. And if nothing changes, make other plans for Sunday.
Tattoo Lover Gets Birthday Criticism From Grandparents
DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently celebrated her 20th birthday. She's a good kid with a decent job who happens to like tattoos.
For her birthday, my in-laws sent her a birthday card. Usually their card includes a gift card, check or cash. This year, there was no gift but a note stating that they were not sending money as they felt she would use it toward more tattoos.
I understand their beliefs may be different, but their approach to the situation was not nice. When she read their note, my daughter broke down and cried. My question is: Should I ignore their rudeness and ignorance, or should I (or my husband) call them and stick up for our daughter? -- TRYING TO BE NONJUDGMENTAL
DEAR TRYING: I don't think what happened should be ignored. What your in-laws did was uncalled for, and the person who should tell them that is your daughter because she's an adult. If they were really concerned that she would spend their gift money on a tattoo, they could have sent her a tangible gift -- an item of clothing or a gift card from a specific retailer. Shame on them.
Relationship Cools Off After Fever Blisters Break Out
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 68-year-old divorced woman who has been dating a slightly older widower. We were beginning a nice relationship until he got mad at me for giving him a fever blister. He suggested we not see each other or talk for more than two weeks. After that, he texted me to see if my fever blister was gone. He said he was still sort of angry about it, and described how ugly and painful the blister was.
I feel he was really petty, and it has put a damper on things. Am I wrong to feel this way? What is your advice? Hurry, please, because his blister is healing and he wants to see me. -- EMBARRASSED IN MISSOURI
DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your gentleman friend's behavior wasn't petty. The "fever blister" you gave him was a herpes virus. Before you see him again, talk to your doctor so he or she can explain how the virus is passed and what you can do to lessen the chances or prevent it in the future. If you do, you'll be doing both of you a favor.
Man Must Choose Between Seeing and Believing His Wife
DEAR ABBY: While attending a large party, I re-entered the main room to find my wife engaged in what appeared to be an intimate conversation with a longtime friend who is known to be a "hound dog" who frequently boasts of his latest conquests. They held each other's hands and were talking to each other at "kissing" distance. I watched from afar and then left the area so as not to create a scene. They were obviously not talking about the weather.
When I confronted my wife the next day, she said there is nothing going on between them and they were just talking. My wife had a few drinks that night, but I don't think she was drunk. Your take on this? -- SAW TOO MUCH IN GEORGIA
DEAR SAW: My take is that if you trust your wife, you will believe what she's telling you. Appearances can be deceiving, especially when viewed from a distance.