DEAR ABBY: My employer hosted a professional development workshop on workplace etiquette and conduct related to gender and personal identity. The facilitator told us to make sure we always use the gender pronoun preferred by the person we are talking to or about. But she didn't give any guidance about how to know what those pronouns are if it's not clear from someone's outward appearance. Additionally, I have learned I'm not very good at guessing.
Is there a polite way to ask someone if they prefer to be called he or she? What about people who don't use either? It seems like there's a lot of opportunity to offend someone. I'd hate to upset anyone by using the wrong pronoun, but I also don't want to admit to the person that I can't tell if he or she is a man or woman. It's like walking in a minefield. -- WHAT'S RIGHT?
DEAR WHAT'S RIGHT: This is such new territory, it may take a while for the general public to adjust. However, the person's name should be a clue about which gender he or she identifies with. While I wouldn't recommend asking what gender the person is, it wouldn't be inappropriate to use the word "they" when speaking about the person because that pronoun is being used more in the singular.