DEAR ABBY: What should a person do when their children and grandchildren don't like to talk on the phone, and text you only? -- LONELY GRANDMA IN L.A.
DEAR LONELY GRANDMA: Learn to text!
DEAR ABBY: What should a person do when their children and grandchildren don't like to talk on the phone, and text you only? -- LONELY GRANDMA IN L.A.
DEAR LONELY GRANDMA: Learn to text!
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old woman, divorced for a year and a half. I was married twice before and have three grown children.
I own my own home, have a job I enjoy and a loving family. I do what I want when I want and how I want. I control the remote, the thermostat and my money. I have no desire for male companionship or a "social life," and can honestly say I have never felt happier or more content in my life.
I wonder why society places so much emphasis on men and women forming romantic relationships. I also wonder how much angst I could've saved myself, my former husbands and my children by realizing years ago that marriage is not for me. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I will never meet a man whose company I enjoy more than my own.
I just want to tell your readers -- at least any who feel the same way I do -- to be happy with themselves and stop letting friends, relatives or society dictate to them how to feel or what to do. There's nothing wrong with an independent woman or man being, well, independent. These days I call myself ... EMANCIPATED AND HAPPY
DEAR EMANCIPATED AND HAPPY: If I had to guess why society places so much emphasis on marriage and romance, it would be because that's the way society perpetuates itself. After three divorces, it is not surprising that you are happier on your own.
I'm sure many people wish they were as independent and resilient as you. However, most people crave some degree of closeness and intimacy -- which may be why women and men search for romance. Today, more than half of adults in the United States are single. For those who are not "coupled up," I'm sure your message will be meaningful.
DEAR ABBY: I am the luncheon chairperson for a large fundraiser that will be held in six weeks. I know my question is one shared by many. How can a brilliant person be advised to keep his remarks short and not like he's preaching to the choir without seeming rude? -- DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND
DEAR DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND: Here's how. Run your event like a commanding general. Tell all your speechmakers and honorees how much time they are allotted. Insist they submit their remarks in enough time before the event that you can review the length -- and keep "reminding" the speakers what time the event MUST end.
If you bravely and diligently do this, your event will be a hit. And you will be regarded as brilliant because not many people are courageous enough to be this assertive.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wife for 16 years. She has a grown daughter who's the mother of eight kids, but she only has five with her at this time.
My problem is, the daughter got evicted, and all of a sudden she brought her belongings to the house. She didn't ask or anything, she just showed up with the five kids and they are driving me up the wall. I already have two adolescent kids, so seven ain't heaven.
I have tried to talk with my wife, but she doesn't listen. I'm fed up, Abby, and I'm looking for other accommodations. They have been here for two weeks and -- by the way -- my sons are now in school while her five are running wild in the house. Am I wrong for leaving? -- NEEDS MY OWN SPACE
DEAR NEEDS: Not in my book. Your mistake was in letting your wife's daughter's eviction become your problem. I don't know whose name is on the lease or title to your place, but it's time to discuss this with an attorney. If you don't, you may have more trouble getting the woman and her brood out of there in the future.
DEAR ABBY: My friend whom I have known since we were 8-year-olds (we're now in our 50s) is driving me bonkers. She has started drinking a lot and hanging out with younger people and dating younger guys. I have loaned her quite a bit of money because she can barely get by. I don't drink, and I hate seeing what she's doing to herself. I think she is having trouble with the aging process.
She has now started to embarrass me when she drinks in public. She doesn't handle it well and relies on me to get her out of sticky situations. I'm really tired of all this. I have told her how I feel, but she knows I'll come to her rescue. -- TIRED GUARDIAN ANGEL
DEAR TIRED: Draw the line. Tell her you are her friend, but not her chaperone, and you will socialize with her only if she limits her intake to nonalcoholic beverages. One of the signs of alcoholism is when the drinking interferes with the drinker's relationships -- and clearly, this is what's happening. Do not allow her to continue making her drinking your problem because you cannot control it. Only she can do that.
DEAR ABBY: At holiday time, my husband's family takes a photo of all the brothers and sisters and insists that the spouses not be included in the photo. The first time it happened, I thought it was rude, but after 40 years, I have gotten used to it. However, my daughter-in-law, who is new to the family, was hurt by it. Am I wrong in thinking this is rude? -- IN OR OUT OF THE PICTURE
DEAR IN OR OUT: I don't think you're wrong. When people are excluded, they don't feel accepted as part of the family -- and they're right. Are more photos taken that include all family members including husbands, wives and children? And if not, why would the spouses tolerate it for 40 years without speaking up?
DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and a freshman in college. My 16-year-old brother is supposed to be a junior in high school, but he's still taking freshman classes. He has gone to school maybe twice this year. He just gave up and dropped out.
All he does is stay home, sleep and text all day. It makes me angry because I don't work right now, but I clean, cook, do laundry and take care of my younger siblings while he does absolutely nothing.
Mom has given up on him. She begs him to go to school and get an education, but he yells at her and tells her he doesn't care and he'll just become a hobo. I don't know what to say to him to get it through his head that he needs to finish high school. What would you do? -- BIG SISTER IN NEW YORK
DEAR BIG SISTER: If your brother is a junior and still taking freshman classes, he belongs back in school. He may be lazy, but he may also have learning disabilities. If he doesn't get the help he needs to earn a diploma, he'll be virtually unemployable by the time he's 18. Your mother should visit his school and talk to his teachers and the principal about this. As it stands, your brother may be considered "truant," which is against the law.
DEAR ABBY: I am 47 years old and date younger, usually very attractive women. I live in New York City, so they tend to be models. I haven't been married because I feel like I haven't met "the one." I have been with one or two women who could have been the one, only to find out my feelings weren't reciprocated. But more often I don't feel an emotional/intellectual connection, so I end the relationship.
While I might be able to resolve that issue by dating women in their late 30s and 40s, I'm more physically attracted to younger women. Because I don't look my age, I have yet to reach the point where I look "too old" for women in their 20s to be attracted.
Do I continue to follow my male instincts and date younger women, or should I date women closer to my age to whom I may not be as physically attracted, knowing there's still no guarantee I'll meet someone with whom I'll find a stronger connection? -- LIKES 'EM YOUNGER
DEAR LIKES: Forgive me for answering your question with a question, but what do you really want in a relationship? The problem with youth is that it doesn't last. As the years go by, we get older -- if we're lucky. That's why it's time to start listing your priorities, with the help of a licensed mental health professional, if necessary. (There are many well-qualified ones in your city.) I urge you to do it soon, before you start looking like your date's rich uncle. While marriage may not be for everyone, it's a known fact that married men live longer.