DEAR ABBY: My mother's father recently got out of prison and was deported to Mexico. He had been in jail for 20 years, almost my entire life (I'm 22). While he was in prison, I wrote him several times, hoping to connect with him, but I never got a response -- not even an acknowledgement in his letters to my mom.
When I'm asked if I have any grandparents, I usually say, "I only have two grandmas." My father's father was the only real grandfather I had, and I loved him dearly. He died in 2003.
The problem is, my mom wants me to call her father "Grandpa" when I don't even know the man! In my opinion, the title of "Grandpa" is earned and not automatically bestowed. Am I being unreasonable and what should I do? -- ESTRANGED GRANDDAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ESTRANGED: You are not being unreasonable; you are being rational. You are not only not obligated to call this man "Grandpa," you are under no obligation to speak to him at all, and I wouldn't blame you if you kept your distance.