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by Abigail Van Buren

Long Marriage Is Left in Limbo by Wife's Attraction to Women

DEAR ABBY: After 27 years of marriage, my wife told me she is attracted to other women. To my knowledge, she has acted on this only once.

Every day I wonder where our relationship stands. One day she can't see herself without me; the next, she says we should divorce. I don't know if I should end this or wait to see where it goes.

I will need counseling if we divorce, but currently I can't afford it. Yes, I love her, but what matters most to me is that she is happy. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Any suggestions? -- MR. D. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MR. D.: After 27 years of marriage I can only imagine how shocking your wife's revelation must have been for you. That she is ambivalent about your marriage must be deeply painful because you are being treated like a yo-yo.

The book "The Other Side of the Closet," by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., has been mentioned before in my column and has proven helpful to others in your situation. There is also a support group called the Straight Spouse Network (, which offers emotional support after a wife or a husband comes out as yours did. Please don't wait to read the book and visit the website. I think you will find them comforting.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Sex & Gender