DEAR ABBY: I host holiday dinners and always invite my husband's side of the family as well as mine. Each time, my brother's wife, "Arlene," asks if my husband's family will be there, and says if they are, they won't attend. They are the only ones who don't show up; all the rest of my family does.
When I asked Arlene if she has a problem with my husband's side of the family, she said no, she just feels we don't pay as much attention to her when there is "so much family."
I have tried having separate dinners, but as the years have passed, it has gotten harder to cook two Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners on separate days. After 30 years of this, I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and trying to please my brother and his wife. How am I supposed to respond when she texts me telling me that if it's just our family they'll attend? -- TIRED OF IT IN IOWA
DEAR TIRED: You are too kind. I wish you had asked this question 30 years ago because, if you had, I could have spared you a lot of grief. The next time your self-centered sister-in-law pulls that stunt, send her a text saying, "Sorry you can't make it. We'll miss you!" Then add a smiling emoji.