DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Brenda" for three months. For the most part it has been amazing. I know she's the woman I want to marry and be with for the rest of my life.
I would do anything for her, which is why I'm having a hard time. We had a great sexual relationship until a week ago, when she decided she wants to wait until we are married to have sex again. For me, sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. I feel close to Brenda physically and emotionally through sex. Now that she's refusing, I don't feel as close to her.
Brenda cites her religious faith and setting an example for her kids as the reasons she now wants to wait. I'm having a hard time understanding her point of view and am looking for guidance from you on coping with the loss of something so valuable to me. Obviously, I am willing to wait until marriage, but how do I deal with this until then? -- DISAPPOINTED IN RENO
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: If you are confused about your lady friend's "180," I think you're justified. If her religious beliefs prevented her from having sex before marriage, she wouldn't have jumped the gun -- and I'm assuming the two of you weren't making love in front of her children. Her change in behavior may be an attempt to hasten the date of your wedding.
However, because you no longer feel as close to her, put on the brakes and start premarital counseling. The first subject on the agenda should be a frank discussion about sex and what it means to both of you. It will help you understand each other better before you commit for a lifetime, because three months isn't very long for a couple to date, and you really don't know Brenda very well yet.