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by Abigail Van Buren

Dad Wonders If Lying To Kids Is Right Way To Handle Cheating Wife

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 19 years and this is the third time I have caught my wife cheating. I didn't catch her "in the act" because she disguised it behind "vacations with her girlfriends." What happened was I caught her sending some guy nude pictures of herself and lying about having stayed at a friend's house. (She had spent the night with a guy.)

I have remained in this marriage because I wanted to raise all my kids before separating or divorcing. I am leaving eventually, but want to stay four more years to raise my last son.

Is it immoral to lie and pretend like I want to work it out? I feel this is the best way not to damage my children. -- RESPONSIBLE DAD IN GEORGIA

DEAR DAD: I don't think you should lie. Instead, talk calmly with your wife and tell her that it's clear to you that she isn't satisfied in the marriage or she wouldn't be doing what she has been doing. You might be able to accomplish what you want with your son through a joint custody arrangement -- or full custody, if your wife wishes. That way, she could live her life as she apparently wants to, and so can you.

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