Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Woman in Love With Gay Man Must Begin to Look Elsewhere

DEAR ABBY: "Myles" and I have known each other for five years, but have grown really close over the past three. We tell each other everything, and I have fallen in love with him.

A few months ago, Myles sent me a text saying he needed to tell me a "secret." He went on to say the guy he had told me was his brother, "Jeff," is really his lover. Needless to say, that bombshell floored me.

We have discussed it in person, and I have never told him how I feel. I visit them a couple of times a month and always go home feeling hurt. I want Myles for myself, even though I know I can't have him. I don't want to lose him as my friend, but it hurts seeing him and Jeff together. How do I resolve this? -- GIRL LEFT BEHIND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: Start by being as honest with Myles as he was with you. Tell him that over the course of your friendship you fell in love with him -- and that you wish you had known he was gay before you became so emotionally involved.

If you want romance, you will have to look for it elsewhere. In order for you to find it, I cannot stress strongly enough that you will need to feel good about yourself. Stop torturing yourself by visiting the two lovebirds and take a break for a while. A long while.