DEAR ABBY: My adult son, "Jake," is in prison for the fourth time for an indiscretion in his early 20s. He hasn't repeated the offense, but he doesn't comply with the rules of his probation and ends up back in prison. I fully supported my son when the incident happened because I felt he got a bad break, but I feel he should take responsibility for his actions.
Jake's repeated offenses for noncompliance are part of a rebellious and stubborn attitude and an unwillingness to accept the lifelong consequences of his initial offense. To compound the issue, he has three daughters. He keeps popping in and out of their lives, which is very disruptive. If it weren't for them, I'd probably write him off (I have done that emotionally anyway), but I keep trying to maintain some kind of connection between them in case he comes around someday.
Is this foolish thinking on my part? By the way, my son never married the girls' mother and has never paid child support, but she has still been willing to let him be part of their lives. -- WRITING HIM OFF IN ILLINOIS
DEAR WRITING HIM OFF: If you're asking me for permission to take yourself out of the equation, you have it. It is not your job to maintain Jake's relationship with his daughters -- that's his responsibility. If the mother of the girls is willing to tolerate his irresponsibility, that is her choice. But if you have had enough, then it's time to take a step backward.