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by Abigail Van Buren

Thoughtful Gifts Convey Proper Thanks for Hosts' Hospitality

DEAR ABBY: One of my best supervisors is in a same-sex relationship. She and her partner are raising three wonderful children from previous marriages. I have introduced them to my husband at the office as well as work-related social events. He says he "hates" them because he believes their relationship broke up their marriages and it's wrong to raise their children this way.

When he encounters them he refuses to acknowledge them and will snarl when near them. Neither of them have done anything to deserve this treatment, and it makes me embarrassed and ashamed of him. I've tried to reason with him -- nothing works. I told him flat out he can have his opinions, but I expect him to treat them with respect.

I'm to the point where I have to attend work-related functions alone and not allow him to come to my office. That's one solution, but I'm still upset about his attitude in general. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- UPSET IN TEXAS

DEAR UPSET: I suspect that your husband's reason for "hating" your supervisor has less to do with the fact that she and her partner ended their marriages, and more to do with knee-jerk homophobia. Children who are raised in happy homes do better than those who are raised in a household filled with unresolved tension. I can't change your husband's attitude, and neither can you. Only he can do that, but enlightenment isn't likely to be achieved until he recognizes a need for it.

P.S. His manners are atrocious, and you're right to keep him apart from your work environment.