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by Abigail Van Buren

Dinner Disaster Makes Party Planner Want to Disappear

DEAR ABBY: I'm four months pregnant with our second child and dreading the birth because of my fiance's parents. After the birth of our first child, I asked "Cliff" to allow me two weeks without overnight visitors so I could settle in with the new baby. That following weekend his parents called and said, "We're coming, and we're staying with you guys!"

My mom and Cliff were the only ones in the delivery room, and that's how I wanted it. I want it that way again this time. Cliff's mom had made it clear her feelings were hurt because she wasn't "being invited in."

Because my son will be less than 2 years old when the new baby comes, my mom will be taking vacation time to come and help me out. Is it wrong of me to tell Cliff's parents they can't come and stay that soon after the birth of the new one? Cliff and his dad act like long-lost frat guys when they see each other, and I find it irresponsible, childish and a sore spot in our relationship. -- PREGNANT WITH APPREHENSION

DEAR PREGNANT: Your problem isn't your fiance's parents. It's his inability to act like a mature adult. When his parents announced they were coming, he should have put a stop to it then and there. Because he seems unwilling to speak up, you must assume that responsibility, unless you want a repeat of the "open house" party that happened the last time.

When you give birth your wishes should be paramount. It is not performance art. Your doctor will back you up if you make your wishes clear in advance.

Cliff's mom might have been more welcome this time if she hadn't intruded after your last delivery. But, please, don't place the blame entirely on her because it's possible your fiance didn't tell her you needed peace, quiet and time to adjust when they announced they were coming.