DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Roger," died recently. I am working through the devastating grief of his passing, but the core of my pain was listening to the eulogies at his funeral.
I expected Roger's friends and family to share happy memories and celebrate the best of his life. However, many of those who spoke -- including his granddaughter -- chose to remember him as a notorious womanizer both while his wife was alive and after her death. Stories were shared about how he constantly hit on much younger women, including his daughter's childhood friends. One "gentleman" even shared an "amusing" anecdote about how he and Roger found out they were sleeping with the same woman.
I knew about Roger's past before he met me and I managed to come to terms with it, but I did not expect it to be brought up as entertainment at his memorial. I also thought it to be inappropriate with his late wife's family in attendance.
Now my memories are tainted, and I feel dirty and used. I live 500 miles from Roger's home and will probably never see those people again. What can I do to get over this anger that continues to haunt me? -- STILL IN MOURNING
DEAR STILL MOURNING: A eulogy is usually a respectful recapitulation of the deceased's life story, which includes loving memories, lessons taught, examples set by the person. What happened at the funeral was an indication that Roger left behind bitter memories that were voiced by those who spoke. How sad for all concerned.
However, this has nothing to do with you and your relationship with Roger. And the quickest way to work through your feelings would be to practice forgiveness and go on with your life -- in which Roger was just a chapter.