DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister, "Irma," has hurt us with her words and actions many times. When the drama is over, she will suddenly send an e-mail saying she "misses" my husband and me. I do not want to seem like an unforgiving person, but I'm tired of this repeated behavior. My husband and I feel we're better off not socializing with her and my brother-in-law, but if I respond to her e-mail, it just opens the door for yet another incident. How can we clear the air but not leave ourselves open for another attack? -- FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
DEAR FORGIVEN: Your feelings are understandable, but this is your sister-in-law -- so you can't dodge her forever. This doesn't mean you must see her often. When you do, take an emotional step backward and treat her with the same respect -- and degree of closeness -- that you would any other acquaintance. When she acts out, absent yourself.
The woman appears to have poor impulse control and a high degree of volatility. And that's a subject that your husband might approach (privately) with his brother-in-law and you should stay away from. Your brother-in-law might be more receptive to the message if he hears it from his wife's brother.