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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My 89-year-old mother has always been difficult. She not only never loved me, she treated me as if she didn't like me, either. She told me she didn't send me a birthday card on my birthday last month because "What was it supposed to say -- what a 'wonderful' person you are?" My children visibly winced when they heard her say it and worked extra-hard to make sure my day was special.

Abby, I have cancer. My prognosis is questionable. I was supposed to have been dead seven years ago -- but I'm managing. My problem is, I recently was told that my mother has been keeping in touch with a single friend of mine from years ago, and they are making plans for her to marry my husband when I die! A few other so-called "friends" are in on this. This last betrayal is incredibly hurtful. Where do I go from here? -- J.C. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR J.C.: Where do you go from here? As far away from your toxic mother as possible -- and on to a long, and hopefully complete, remission!

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and 12-year-old grandson "Patrick" visit me on Sundays. Patrick watches TV in my office.

I was recently looking at the history on my Web browser after he had been there, and I noticed that Patrick had been visiting free porn sites and chat rooms on my computer.

I am disappointed that he has been looking at pornography and that he has put my computer at risk for viruses, etc. Should I talk to his parents? To him? Or should I ignore it and disable my computer when he visits? -- GRANDMA ON ALERT

DEAR GRANDMA: You should do all three -- so that Patrick's parents can make certain that when he uses a computer at home he can be supervised. And if the parents haven't yet had "the talk" with their son, suggest they place it at the top of their agenda.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20, newly married and very happy with my new husband. I didn't tell my father when I got married; he just found out. When I moved out four months ago to live with my fiance and his parents, I also didn't tell Dad I was engaged.

Dad called me to ask if it was true that I had gotten married. Of course I said yes, and he got very angry. He asked if I was pregnant and I told him no. Then he wished me luck with my husband, said we were on our own now, and he would be out of my life!

Abby, I have always been a daddy's girl. When it came time to get married, I didn't tell him because I knew he'd try to stop me. I love my father and don't want him out of my life. What should I do? -- NEWLYWED IN JACKSON, MICH.

DEAR NEWLYWED: Your father was extremely hurt by what you did. When a father loves his daughter, he looks forward to the day he will proudly walk her down the aisle, knowing the man she is marrying will be a stable partner. When you sneaked off, you took that away from him. He may also be upset that the young man you married isn't financially independent.

You owe your dad an apology. Write him a letter, explain why you did what you did and that you love him. It's a step in the right direction.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)