DEAR ABBY: If a girl ever needed advice, it's me. My father walked out 20 years ago, leaving four children and a disabled wife. He just vanished. We grew up and I searched for him. Because of the power of the Internet, I was contacted by his family, and Dad was found. He had reunited with his sister, who updated me.
Now I'm faced with the dilemma of how to speak to him for the first time since I was in diapers, and I am angry. My aunt advises me not to ask for answers to questions like "why" because I may not get them. Of the things he did say to her, not once did he express remorse.
I guess what I'm asking is how to talk to this stranger who altered my life. Most of what I have are questions. How am I not entitled to answers? Abby, this has been a long search and now that I have succeeded, I don't know what to do. -- STRESSED IN TEXAS
DEAR STRESSED: Your anger is justified. Unless he was locked in a mental ward, a man who would leave a disabled wife and four small children and "just vanish" is someone with no concern for anyone other than himself. Approach him with the same caution you would any other stranger, because that's what he is. Because this is stressful, list your questions in advance so you won't forget any. But I'm warning you: Do not allow him to make you feel sorry for him.