DEAR ABBY: I am a widowed grandmother. Two of my son's children, ages 18 and 21, have never had much contact with me or my husband. I have mailed them gifts for their birthdays and holidays, never receiving a thank-you or a card or a call on my birthday. To keep the peace, I have kept sending -- but now I'm tired.
They used to live in Arizona, but now the older granddaughter, "Bethany," lives here in Florida, 40 miles from here. When she came with her parents to stay with me while house-hunting, she asked, "What are you going to give me for my birthday?" I did not respond.
After Bethany became established and settled, I called her on at least four separate occasions, leaving messages, all of which she has ignored. She claims she never received them. My birthday came and went -- no card or call from her. I feel I should do the same for her from now on. I would like your opinion so I can show it to my son. -- UNAPPRECIATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Here it is, and by all means, share it with your son. Bethany is the product of her upbringing. You were not a part of her childhood in Arizona, and she was never taught that good manners mean acknowledging gifts and returning phone calls.
She is no longer a child, and she was presumptuous to ask you what you would be giving her for her birthday. (You should have replied, "Malaria. Do you want it now?") If you choose to stop acting like a vending machine -- which is the way you are being treated -- you'll get no argument from me.