DEAR ABBY: My sister, who is six years younger, married for the first time at 42. Until she met her husband, who is overweight, she was never heavy. She always tried to watch her weight and exercised to a moderate degree. Once she met him, they found fine dining to be a favorite pleasure. She also has discovered that she loves to cook and watch the food channels on TV.
When we visit, talk or write, food dominates the topics. My sister has gained 70 or 80 pounds in six years. She doesn't exercise and won't buy a scale. My husband and I mention exercise or calories every time they discuss food. She does not appreciate "Big Sis" giving her advice, but I'm concerned about her. She doesn't read or watch the news, so I feel if I'm not telling her the risks, I'm just standing by watching her kill herself. What can I do? -- BATTLING A WEIGHTY ISSUE
DEAR BATTLING: First, stop lecturing your sister about her weight problem. Until she wants to address it, you will only alienate her. When she and her husband experience the health problems that may occur because of their obesity and sedentary lifestyle, be supportive and offer suggestions only if they are requested. The most unwelcome advice in the world is that which is unasked for. She will deal with her weight only when she's ready, and nothing you can do, however well-intentioned, will change that.