DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Carole," has been dealing with breast cancer for almost a year. Although my family and I live three hours away and are struggling with problems of our own, we have always been supportive of her.
Last week, Carole called to tell me she'll be going to Australia at the end of the year -- a "reward" from her husband for everything she has been through. I was happy for her until she informed me that I would be taking care of her kids for two weeks while she's on vacation.
I joked, "It doesn't sound like you're giving me any choice in this." She replied: "No, I'm not. I went through cancer. I deserve this trip."
I reminded Carole that when I watched her kids just two months ago, things didn't go well. They are completely different from my children, and they don't like each other. Her 5-year-old daughter cried all night, every night while she was here. Her son destroys everything he comes into contact with -- we still have a hole in the bedroom wall -- and has a vocabulary I don't want my kids exposed to.
Do I have a right to just say "no" and offer my best wishes in finding a sitter? I feel guilty, but I don't feel she's entitled to demand this from me. Am I being a bad sister? -- NEEDS RESOLUTION IN THE MID-ATLANTIC
DEAR NEEDS RESOLUTION: Your reasons for declining your sister's edict seem perfectly reasonable to me. You took care of your niece and nephew before -- it didn't work out. You are perfectly within your rights to be firm with Carole and let her know she's going to have to make other arrangements for her little ones while she's on holiday. A perfect solution would be for them to be looked after by either set of grandparents.