DEAR ABBY: I am the middle child in a family of seven children. Somewhere along the way I was assigned the role of peacemaker. I have always been the person everyone goes to for help -- mostly financial -- but also for other reasons. This has caused a strain on my relationship with my significant other, "Jake."
Jake's family is not close, and he did not have a pleasant childhood. My family is sometimes too close, and we depend on each other too much. Jake accuses me of "always jumping on my white horse and riding off to save the world" and says I neglect him. He wants me to have nothing to do with my family and complains that they call too often. I do not neglect him. He is the one turning this into a big issue.
I am always there for Jake, but he is very controlling and I feel caught in the middle all the time, trying to keep him happy and not hurt my family's feelings. How can I stay true to who I am and what I believe is right and still maintain this relationship, which I have been in for more than 17 years? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: You and Jake need to reach a compromise. It is unrealistic of him to expect you to have nothing to do with your family. As caring as you are, however, you need to accept that you were not born to continually bail your siblings out of their financial difficulties.
My advice to you is to "be there" for your family when mediation is necessary, but tighten your purse strings. If you do, I'll bet there will be fewer phone calls, less rescuing and more peace in your household.