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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Ponders Ending Long Alienation at Friend's Funeral

DEAR ABBY: Our 23-year-old daughter, "Andrea," moved out of the house at 17. She has been living with her fiance ever since. They plan to be married this summer, and my question is: Because she left our house of her own free will, is it still my husband's and my responsibility as her parents to pay for their wedding?

She has been living with her boyfriend, already has one child and is now pregnant with twins. We feel their wedding should be their expense to bear. We're willing to pay for the event if it is, in fact, still our responsibility as the bride's parents. Please advise. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, ANDERSON, IND.

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: There is a common misconception that it is the RESPONSIBILITY of the bride's parents to pay for her wedding. Not true. Assuming the cost of the wedding is a GIFT to the couple, not an obligation. Many couples today are both working and pay for all or part of their wedding themselves. If you do not wish to foot the bill for the shindig, no rule of etiquette says you have to.