Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Teen Daughter's Pregnancy Is Cause for Joy in Mother's Eyes

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Heidi," is 17 and pregnant. She is going to an alternative high school and doing well. My daughter is proactive about her pregnancy and excited about the new baby. This will be my first grandchild, and I am excited too.

My problem is, when I express my joy, others act like I am crazy for being happy. At a baptism in church, I told my husband how happy I will be when our grandson is baptized and that I can't wait until he's born. He responded that he is not excited at all because of the expense and upheaval this new addition will cause.

I know there will be hardships with a new baby. We don't have much room in our house, and a new member will bring some burden. I do not have my head in the clouds -- but when I see the ultrasound image and hear that heartbeat, I am filled with joy.

Am I wrong to be happy? And if not, what can I say to people who tell me I am? -- PROUD ALMOST-GRANDMA

DEAR ALMOST: You are entitled to your happiness. However, please understand that unwed teen mothers and their children can face challenges, and this may be what people are alluding to when they seem to question your joy.

Frankly, I am troubled by the fact that nowhere in your letter have you mentioned how your daughter plans to raise her son, how she will provide for him, whether she plans to complete her education, what the involvement of the baby's father will be emotionally and financially, or whether she will need aid from the state. Nor have you mentioned what the impact of the new arrival will have on your marriage.

That's why, although your heart is filled with joy, you need to look ahead with your eyes wide open -- and that's what I am advising.