DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old grandson, "Fletcher," an average boy with good looks, is becoming as exhibitionist. He flaunts his body on almost every occasion. When people are around, he goes into his room and emerges minutes later without his shirt, naked to the waist, with his pants dropping down almost showing places we do not wish to see. He struts around, going from room to room, all the while his pants slipping even lower. Fletcher then usually changes into shorts, which also slide down and reveal more than the public should be viewing.
Fletcher does this whether it's hot or cold, in the house or outside. His behavior is not normal. He seems to be doing this stripping thing more and more, regardless of where he is. At our house over the holidays, he found an excuse to remove his shirt to show his abs. He's constantly exercising and working out and is always ready to pull open his shirt to show the results.
I don't know where exhibitionism at this age leads, but I'm sure the road is not a healthy trail to travel. Does all of this seem normal to you, Abby, and could you comment on it? -- CONCERNED IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.
DEAR CONCERNED: So, here we have a good-looking young man who works out like crazy and has found that building his body brings him attention and admiration. Who can blame him for wanting to show it off?
That said, there is a time and place for everything. Tell Fletcher -- and his parents -- that when he is in your home, you would prefer that he pull his low-riding pants up and keep his shirt on because his exposure embarrasses and concerns you. (What he does in his own house is his business.)
And while you would prefer that your grandson polish other aspects of his persona, perhaps it's time to consider that this may be the most distinct achievement he's capable of. It isn't the end of the world. It has led to more than one career in show business -- and even politics.
DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Curt," is a 38-year-old rookie cop. We are all proud of his decision to go to the police academy and want him to be successful. The problem is, at every family function, Curt thinks it's funny to demonstrate the tactics he uses to make noncompliant suspects submit.
These actions are unwelcome, and they really hurt. Curt has used this type of force on me, my sister and my children, ages 6 and 8. When I ask him not to do it anymore, he laughs. He thinks it's all a big joke and seems to enjoy having this power over other family members.
It is not a joke anymore. If Curt does this again, I'm afraid I will defend myself, and then all hell will break loose. What should I do? -- NOT AMUSED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NOT AMUSED: If your brother is doing this with his siblings and their children, can you imagine what he must be doing to someone he places under arrest? Your brother is getting a kick out of inflicting pain, even if it involves young children. In other words, he's sadistic and not very bright.
Inform your brother that if it happens again you and the family will pay a visit to the chief of police in your community and file a report. It is officers like your brother who give law enforcement a bad name.
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