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by Abigail Van Buren

Couple Rules Out Divorce for Sake of Grown Children

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.

Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.

They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.

Are we crazy to stay together for the kids? -- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOING: I am not the person who should answer that question. Only you and Glen can do that. I can, however, advise you that you and your husband are two years overdue for couples therapy.

Infidelity is painful, but it is possible to recover from it, heal a marriage and emerge stronger than ever as a couple. However, if it is not possible to do that, then divorce is a preferable alternative to the marriage you have described.