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by Abigail Van Buren

Man Is Ready to Disconnect Girl Who Can't Say Goodbye

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and dated a woman I'll call "Brenda" for about five years. She dumped me soon after college graduation with no explanation. All she said was she "needed to be alone for a while," but she could see herself marrying me and having kids with me "eventually." I accepted it and tried to move on.

Brenda has stayed in touch for the last two years, but we have not been together or intimate. She calls me nearly every night before she goes to bed. I never call her or go to her house.

I talk to her because I don't want to be rude, but I'd prefer not to. I mean, what's the point? When we split, I told her I didn't want contact, but she seemed so devastated when I said it that I backed off.

Would it be wrong for me to completely cut off communication? How do I do it nicely? I loved Brenda once, but her constant calls don't allow me closure. Even if she asked me now to get back together, I wouldn't. She hurt me when she broke it off with no explanation, and I no longer trust her. What should I do? -- NEEDS CLOSURE IN PHILLY

DEAR NEEDS CLOSURE: Forgive the strong language, but Miss Brenda appears to be somewhat screwed up. You seem like a nice guy -- too nice, in fact. There comes a time in life when we must draw the line when someone hurts us.

The next time Brenda calls to say good night, tell her it's not good night, it's goodbye because you no longer want to dwell in the past. Believe me, you'll be doing yourself a favor.