DEAR ABBY: When my in-laws moved to town, we exchanged keys in case of emergencies. The problem is they never call prior to using our key. Although they do nice things, like dropping off gifts or plants, when I see something on the counter that wasn't there before I left home, I feel invaded. They drop off these "presents" specifically when no one is home.
Abby, they are retired and could drop things off when we are home and the children can see them and visit with them.
I was taught not to use a key unless specifically instructed to do so or for an emergency. My neighbors and I have called regarding perishables that need to be dropped off, so why can't family? My husband thinks my feelings are off base and that family is forgiven for almost everything. Please advise, as I am about to change the locks. -- INVADED IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR INVADED: Before changing the locks, have a chat with your in-laws and explain that coming home and finding things that weren't there when you left makes you uncomfortable. Tell them you would prefer they not come in without giving you prior notice. Your feelings are valid, and your husband might feel similarly if it was your parents coming in rather than his. If your wishes are disregarded, then change the locks.